Advice on domestic violence please need lots of answers?
Topic: How to write a good police statement
June 16, 2019 / By Sammy Question:
My husband an i are separated. ever since the separation he has threatned and harassed me via text messages. he threatened to sue me for taking 200 dollars out of my pay check he is trying to black mail and get me to admit to things i have not done in a text message. when i give him the wrong answer he says wrong answer you lost hayleigh which is our daughter. i was being fair split custody giving him the house the animals everything. he sent texts that would say "sneak" or pill head". he would say if you get a dvp it will be worse if not i wll split custody. he has said that i am a bad mother.
When we were together he would plan out sex. If i did not do what he wanted he would sulk and would say that i should always want to do those things and that if i didn't i had a problem. he would spend hours talking to me telling me my problems and what i needed to do to "fix" them. it would be something as simple as me rolling my eyes this is the third time i have left i always went back because he convinced me he would get full custody. he kept track of my calories how much i exercised how much water i drank and would pout when i didn't do good enough. but would always say i was just taking him wrong. i know i wasn't tho.
he had unreasonalble expectations for our child he expected too much out of her. he blames everything on me. sometimes our talks would go for hours even if i had to stay up past 24 hours if i fell asleep he would wake me up saying he had no idea how i could sleep or that it was easy for me to sleep because i was not the one who had been hurt. He stoppped paying any attention to our daughter it was all focused on me and my faults. i left thinking if i was gone he would see some of his but it only got worse. he threatened to make sure our daughter knew it was my fault we were not together. i had to beg for her over and over. i finally got a restraining order but it is only for a week we go to court in the morning to see if it holds up for the full 90 days. i am afradi that becasue he hs not hit me it wont stick last time i left he moved three women in the house and i believe he was selling drugs. i am afraid if i am not there that he will focus on her like he did me. he threatned to put a mental hygiene warrant on me once also. the text messages were constant and i could barely even function. i have saved them and voice mails. he also had another child that he didn't get rights to til she was four becuase she had to put a restraining order on him as well. he is sooo convincing and i am so afraid to give her back should i write a statement or just try and tell them. also the house has been broken into several times over the last few years i believe because he was selling drugs. i just want to know if anyone thinks i will get the restraining order based on thses facts. he was using our child as leverage and always has he knows that is the one way to get to me. he made me scared to withddraw any money becasue he would say i was spending it on drugs. i lost a baby couple years ago and they put me on pain killers and that is why he says that becasue for a short time i did have a small problem. i have had to leave work to go fix her dinner because she was crying and couldnt wake her up. i am employed and always have been he isn't right now tho. any advice would be great. he also took all money out of our checking account and left me with nothing 700 of it was my pay check. he also wanted me to pay 500 every two weeks til court he said it was my responsibility
when they served the petition she had no shoes on and did not know where they were and was wearing the neighbors shoes. he texted my family and told them i was a junky too
to the person that said why would i admit to something i didn't do he was saying admit your a drug addice and i will let you see your kid i never said i was he wanted me to tho and yes i am divorcing him i already saved messages i go to court tomorrow. we were together ten years
I'm not sitting around and letting him do this i got a restraingin order but its only for a week in the morning we go to see if it holds up for 90 days
to the girl that wants his side well he thnks a spend too much money that i am disrespctful because i wear sandals and smile at men sometimes. he accuses me of being on drugs he says i left to go on a drug binge he says i have a problem with depression, he also is disapointed tht a didn't want to bring home women from the interntet for him to have sex with. anything else
Best Answers: Advice on domestic violence please need lots of answers?
Naftali | 9 days ago
fight him in court♥
dress appropriately (nicely, look your best!) and get yourself a good lawyer (one that can do all the talking for you) bring up the fact that he has an abusive past (even ask for the ex to come in and testify) If he says that your a junky, tell your lawyer and the court that you are willing to have a random drug test for as many months as they want♥
also, I agree with the girl below (faith) you need to start keeping a record of his phone calls from here on out. if its at all possible, could you try to tape the conversations? and yes, get a restraining order against him (tell the police how he harass' you and you honestly fear for your life)
here is how to tape your phone conversations:
👍 106 | 👎 9
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We found more questions related to the topic: How to write a good police statement
Originally Answered: Domestic violence?
It's about time a study like this gets seen.
Attitudes on domestic violance have come a long way. Survivors are really begining to see more and more that they should not have to stay in an abusive situation; and that even if they do stay, they still have te right to protect themselves from being harmed. But while violance against women have been gaining more and more attention over the years, violance against men is still largely ignored in comparison.
There seems to be this unwritten rule against talking about a guy as someone who needs to be helped out of a sticky situation; a rule that says that if you needed to be pulled out of a dangerous situation, particularly a dangerus situation caused by a woman, that makes you less of a man. I think that's largely the reason why until recently, violence against men didn't really get talked about; and that's unfortunate.
You often see posters in women's bathrooms about looking out for sexual predators and helplines for abuse and trauma, but in guys restrooms you're more likely to see "sexual harrassment is against the law" postings and "no violance" postings. Not only does that present the message that only women can fall victim to violance, it tells guys who've experienced violance tat no guy talks about it if they get harmed and to do so makes them less of a guy. That's unfortunate and dangerous.
As a functioning society we need to get the message across the violance in the home, the workplace, etc is not acceptable no matter what sex you are; and that reporting being abused does not make you weak no matter what sec you are. To the contrary, standing up for yourself makes you strong. That, I think can encourage more men to report incidents of doestic violance.
Time to buck up and be strong. Tell the court all of the above. Bring print outs of text messages (worst ones on top) that display his constant harassment. Point out he doesn't have a job and that you suspect he deals drugs. If he EVER grabbed you (even if it was minor), pushed you, pinned you, refused to let you leave, threatened you, tell the court. Don't hold back just because he never got physical. Don't feel bad, he did these things, not you. Tell the court you feel threatened.
Bring the bank statements that show he left you with no money and talk about how he demands money from you, while he remains jobless.
You didn't mention a lawyer. I know it's pricey, but you absolutely need one. Ask friends or co-workers for references. Take out a loan, whatever you need to do...do it. It's near impossible to navigate the legal system without one and custody law is especially tricky.
At this point in the process, shoot for the moon....ask that he is awarded no more than supervised visits and is ordered to pay child support. Always assume the court is not going to give you what you ask for.
Now is not the time too be nice...I did that with a very similar man and my kids are the ones paying for it. He is just as emotionally abusive with them as he was with me. When they are with him he controls everything they do and eat (or don't eat...goes through the trash to make sure). This summer, he is gone from 8 a.m. until 9 p.m. and the kids are not allowed to leave the house during that time. They cry when it's time to switch back to daddy's house (we have joint, week on week off, because I signed those papers like an idiot) and there is nothing I can do...mostly because he's very careful not to cross the line to physical violence ( he did once, when he took the kids out of state for a week and I reported him, but by the time they got back, the bruise was gone)
sorry for being so long winded, just wished somebody had told me 10 years ago not to let him intimidate me...would have saved us a lot of constant heartache.
If you fight like a lioness, you'll end up with custody...then you can choose when you want to be nice and when you need him to prove he can be
ETA: forgot too mention his other child...his existing custody arrangement should absolutely be brought up. That stuff counts big time. If a decision regarding this man has already been made by a court, that weighs heavy.
Also, if any lawyer "throws you out" for telling your side of the story and not your abusive husbands', make sure you report that incompetent idiot to the Better Business Bureau.
👍 30 | 👎 1
you probably were not looking for advice from a 16 year old but.....
i would literally want to kill him if i were in your situation, all i can say is smart thinking saving all those texts and voice mails.. show them in court and use them as leverage to prove he is crazy.. basically just repeat everything you have stated here. Stress that you feel threatened and that you and your daughters physical safety are in danger because of this man, even if you dont, say it, it'll help. I think what you've said here is convincing enough to get a restraining order. As well, him taking the money out of your checking account, does that not count as stealing? and usually when parents seperate, the court is in favor of the woman in the situation to take custody of the children... even if they say the law is not biased....it is...their full of ****. Especially if the woman has her act together and the man appears to be a nut case. If he says anything about you losing a child ( i am sorry for your loss by the way), tell the court he knows for a fact that does not affect the way you take care of your daughter and he is only using it againt you as leverage.
👍 22 | 👎 -7
You need to go get a protection order. Also keep all the evidence on him and press charges on him. Who ever has custody of the child can get child support. You have to get tough back. Why would you admit to something that you didn't do? I don't understand that part. INSANITY = Doing the same thing over & over and expecting new results .. When you truly love yourself you take crap from no one!!
👍 14 | 👎 -15
Why are you just sitting around letting this guy do all this? He is totally controlling you. Find yourself a lawyer and get this mess sorted out. Honestly why would you think you should have to pay him $500 every 2 weeks without any sort of court order. He is doing all this because you are letting him. Show him you are not going to be manipulated and bullied any more and go get a lawyer.
👍 6 | 👎 -23
he is trying to manipulate you because he is a nasty control freak and as he has gotten away with it in the past he thinks he can get away with it now get legal advice write down all the calls what he said what time try and record his calls keep the texts and phone the police he wont get your daughter he is not a good father or husband and the courts will see this but you have to keep the evidence and contact the police and child services tell them what is going on don't let him beat you to it or he will tell lies.
ps. do not let him back in your life and destroy it anymore.
👍 -2 | 👎 -31
are you guilty of any ones he fingered you? if not let him throw his temper tantrums .look if you are taking care of yourself and your kids ,no cps cases ever involved in it don t worry. stay away from phone if you do talk to him keep low he s trying to bend your words and life that you have, save all texing he s sent you for your saftey get a family,divorce lawer ,which you should of done. let him text you don t answer till your lawer tell you other ther s a harrasment on him.you need to secure you and your child . he s damaging the young one if he keeps up,mentally you.got to be carfull that you play his own game cause it ll turn around on you.going thruogh a divorce is better to let the lawers solve the problems between the two parties.mental hygenie crap let him, ive been through a divorce twice .stick to your guns and end it
👍 -10 | 👎 -39
If you don't have a lawyer - get one. They can help you sort through all this information and reassure you that your husband is scaring you with a bunch of nonsense. If his texts are bothering you - stop reading them!! If you know you are a good mother - your lawyer can help you prove that.
This is all assuming that you are divorcing this man. From what you have written, I don't see why you would go back to him.
Be strong and do what is best for you and your daughter.
👍 -18 | 👎 -47
Originally Answered: Domestic Violence Against Men?
I can supply you with a general link: 50 Domestic Violence Myths:
I think there's a website toward the end of the video.
Here's a video that focuses exclusively on male victims of DV, 'Domestic Violence - The Lies Are Over!'
This website should help with your research too: