Topic: Term papers depression
May 26, 2019 / By Janna Question:
just short and simple ......the past year i have been thinking of shooting myself in the chest with my shotgun every day and sometimes all day long. i just wont go into the details of my life...dont have the energy......suffice it to say i have been suicidal since i was a kid.
should i just brush off these obsessive thoughts as the usual suicidal tendencies i have always lived with? or do you think this is more serious?
i really dont know what to do anymore. sometimes like this morning i was laying in bed and thinking how i should go into my backyard and blow my chest away....laying there dead on the lawn.
i dont know what dying would accomplish...i simply feel i have no reason to live anymore. i gave my family custody of my children for their best interests but they were my happiness and kept me alive...but i couldnt effectively parent them and i know it ...and so now they are gone and in better places........and i am just here in my existence.
maybe i should accept the inevitable....i even bought a book that tells me how to give ppl closure for when im gone. i made a live or die list and it is truly pathetic.
i really dont want to die but i dont think im going to survive this time around.
are these suicidal ideations a serious problem i am having? can a doctor really help me? i dont know what to do anymore. i think im going to die i just have an awful yet serene feeling that i will die but everything will be ok.
i know i should get rid of my gun but i dont because it is the only way out and im terrified of being stuck in this 'existence' of having no reason or purpose to live anymore.
what can i do to help myself at this point if there can be any help i am willing to try because i dont really want to die but i feel like i am in a river being swept down current to my death and i feel like i either accept it or maybe a miracle will happen??? if that makes any sense. ??
thank you and im sorry if this is inappropriate content.
Etheldreda | 3 days ago
This really does look like a serious matter, and yes there are things you can do. Depression is treatable, and the situation that led up to your depression can be changed. Does it really take a miracle? Maybe not. Maybe things seem hopeless to you because you're depressed. Very often, people will recover and see answers to problems that seemed hopeless. Then again, I wouldn't rule out the possibility that a Higher Power will intervene in your behalf. There's a lot of people better educated than myself who have faith in that.
Aside from you suicidal thinking, the immediate problem seems to be loneliness. A pet could make a difference. What kind is up to you. You would probably like a dog or a puppy, but think of all the possibilities. Any way for you to spend more time with other people - NOT in a bar - is good. If you have a drinking problem, AA meetings would be a natural. Maybe you could do volunteer work. Good sources of info are volunteer match, craigslist, yahoo local, google, local papers.
If you don't think you can make it through the night, call a crisis hotline or 911.
If you don't think you can afford treatment, look around. Call social services at 211 and google "affordable psychotherapy."
Take things one at a time -- a day at a time, a morning at a time, or even five minutes. A favorite movie or music can help. Many people get relief by going for a walk. Within reason, some extra food will lift your spirits, whereas alcohol, which makes depression worse, should be avoided. Don't isolate yourself. Talk with somebody, even if you don't feel like it.
Stay in touch with your feelings. When you have an unpleasant mood shift, take one or two slow, deep breaths and examine the thought that just occurred to you, in terms of its truth and its relevance to what you're doing at the moment. If you find yourself in a stressful situation, take slow, deep breaths until you're calm, then think carefully about what to do. Exercise has been shown to reduce stress. The best exercise is the kind you enjoy, and sports are especially good because of the social activity. It may also be that people with depression who tend to remain indoors benefit from increased exposure to sunlight.
Usually, people go into depression in a downward spiral of negativity in thinking and behavior, one leading to the other. Getting out of depression is an upward spiral of healthy thinking and behavior, one leading to the other. In some cases, medication plays an important part, but healthy thought and behavior are still necessary. It doesn't happen overnight, and it helps to be patient. A sense of humor is a big plus.
If you go the University of Kansas TLC website, you can read about the lifestyle program developed there. It's things we all need anyway. It's low cost and low risk. Book - The Depression Cure by therapist/researcher Dr Steve Ilardi.
There is a free online therapy program called MoodGYM. It’s offered by a university.
Although its not very well known, Recovery International has been helping people for decades. This program has meetings in different countries, also electronic meetings.
I don't know the details of your life, so it might be extremely hard, but I think you should visit a phsychiatrist, talking to someone about your problems can sometimes really help, it sounds like your bottling everything up. Maybe you should take up a hobby, find something the makes you happy, maybe meet someone new, if you find someone you may feel likes there's a reason to live, life is hard and I know it is but there are also moments to live for, if you took your own life you may be missing things that would have made you so happy in the future that you would have never have known about, just try and think of the positives rather than the negatives
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There is a disorder, where people are 'self cutters'. It is when people cut themselves to feel the pain externally that they feel internally. It is a release to them. It usually comes with some type of OCD- which can contribute to your instrusive and repetitive thoughts. You also have dealt with a lot of negativity and mental anguish around you. You don't have to be 'the most abused person in the world' to feel wounded or sad that these things have happened to you. Yes, there are worse things in life, but that doesn't mean you have to feel guilty for feeling for your own situation. Your compassion for woman and your ability to see outside of yourself is a reason itself to live. There needs to be more caring, and concerned people in this world. And you are that. Brings these things to the attention of your therapist-- ASAP You need to let your therapist know that you are in serious need of attention! If you are too shy to say it, than print out what you wrote here and give it to your therapist. Along with our answers. I PROMISE you that one day in your future you will be happy to be alive. You will experience or feel SOMETHING that will make you say to yourself "thank God I am here for this." I know from experience. Best wishes for you, and please keep writing to let us know how you are.
This is pretty serious. Suicidal tendencies always are. Go to a therapist and tell him/her and get help!