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Writing Suggestions, Examples, Ideas? Please! 10pts best answer?

Writing Suggestions, Examples, Ideas? Please! 10pts best answer? Topic: How to write a short description about yourself example
May 21, 2019 / By Iesha
Question: How can I make this come to life more?? Grab the readers attention?? any suggestions/examples welcomed...Please and Thankyou! *** The paragraph below starts in the middle of a scene..please let me know if you need more details! As she searched his eyes seeking approval or maybe that fragment of light that only appears at the end of a tunnel just when your about to lose all hope. It was in those few seconds when his eyes found hers again that he felt himself giving in with an urgency beyond rationale, only reality had set in just as quickly… and the moment passed.
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Best Answers: Writing Suggestions, Examples, Ideas? Please! 10pts best answer?

Effi Effi | 9 days ago
to grab attention and make it sound more exciting try cutting it up into more sentences where it makes sense. shorter sentences hold the readers attention for longer. but your description s brilliant so i would try and keep the words the same as it is now.
👍 126 | 👎 9
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Effi Originally Answered: Writing a story? help needed?10pts best answer?
Hello! I enjoyed reading through this scene. ;D Anyway, I have a few suggestions. - In the second sentence, Luke clears his throat, and you later say that he's trying to "clear the last residue of sleep from his head", so to make the sentence flow a little better, you could stick to something like.. "clearing his throat, he tucked the receiver against his ear, trying to remove all residue of sleep from his voice." - Perhaps the parenthesis on (Lucas was panicking) isn't really necessary. You could tie that in with the sentence that follows and say something like.. "Lucas was beginning to panic; he could feel the rapid increase of his heartbeats." The part of his mind flowing with questions could be a sentence on it's own. - "You know, she's not doing too good, Luke. We're worried about Sarah." This makes that sentence's flow a bit smoother.. - The line after that, were you say "He heard the unspoken question in her voice and braced himself for it." I think, that could also read slightly better as "He could feel an oncoming question in the tone of her voice and braced himself for it."

Chastity Chastity
She searched in his eyes, seeking approval. Was there even just a fragment of light, like that at the end of a tunnel just when you're about to lose all hope? It was in those few seconds, when his eyes found hers again, that he felt himself surrendering with an urgency beyond rationale..... Reality set in just as quickly, and the moment passed. What do you think?
👍 40 | 👎 3

Arlene Arlene
"As she searched his eyes, seeking approval - that fragment of light that only appears at the end of a tunnel just when you're about to lose all hope - in those few seconds he felt himself giving in with an urgency beyond rationale, only reality had set in just as quickly, and the moment passed." It was too wordy, but it's good! Try not to be redundant, that is, try not to use multiple words that mean the same thing in the same paragraph (or sentence) and learn how to punctuate.
👍 32 | 👎 -3

Zebulun Zebulun
As she searched IN his eyes , seeking approval , or maybe that fragment of light that only appears at the end of a tunnel just when your about to lose all hope. It was in those few seconds, when his eyes found hers again that he felt himself giving in with an urgency beyond rationale. hOWEVER reality set in just as quickly… and the moment passed.
👍 24 | 👎 -9

Sim Sim
It depends on the audience you're aiming at (teens, adults etc) And everyone has different tastes, so don't expect to please everyone, no matter how well you write it. I find shorter sentences more appealing, and a lot of description. Similes and metaphors also make pieces of writing sound amazing. Example : "As she searched in his luminous green eyes, shining brighter than street lights on a dark night..." Or maybe something a bit more unique, that was quite a bland example.
👍 16 | 👎 -15

Omar Omar
I, too, basically made some minor transformations. you have have been given a knack for this! "I’m not here to make complication" she introduced placidly, shocked by skill of his necessity to exclude her as quickly as returned. All she needed on the 2d replaced into the friendship they used to share Denise stepped forward, taking his palms in hers, her foreheadfurrowing in confusion as she watched Lucas try his very toughest to not shy away. She permit loose a gentle breath, “ I’m sorry, returned, for each little thing". And with those words, she grew to become him unfastened, hoping that, if not the rest, he had believed her.
👍 8 | 👎 -21

Lawrence Lawrence
there were always constant betrails. then short intervals where love seemed to dwell, there his hopes were raised,yet there was still uncertainty. there she stood, seeking once more to receive his forgiveness and approval, he wavered, just for a moment. the old memories of pain were greater now than the desire for love. yet there she stood with all of her beauty something else came too it was unending darkness, unending night. now he was wary and indifferent.. his resolve was strong, unbending. yet
👍 0 | 👎 -27

Jabin Jabin
its really good and really descriptive, but perhaps a bit wordy. i found myself getting lost in all of the description and wasnt quite sure what was going on. also it seemed that there may have been a run on sentence or two. but good work, it was brilliant!
👍 -8 | 👎 -33

Jabin Originally Answered: 8th GRADE HELP PLEASE ANSWER? 10pts answer! super easy and quick?
1) To take notes in class, only use bullet points capturing key ideas -- don't try to write down every word your teacher says! Use colored pens to organize different sections of your notes to keep you alert and to help you remember what your teacher had said about each topic =] If you miss any information, don't worry about it -- just write down your question and be sure to ask your peers or your teacher at the end of class. To take notes from a book, also use bullet points. In this case, however, you can go into greater detail regarding certain concepts. Be sure to read each paragraph before taking notes, because then you'll be able to skim for what is actually important to remember. You may want to try using different symbols and abbreviations to stay organized and to save time! 2) To study for finals (I'm doing this right now haha), my best advice would be to review your past tests and quizzes. Teachers will often use questions similar to ones they have already asked before. For subjects such as math and science, do practice problems. For subjects where you have memorize a lot of information, create a schedule for how much you want to study each night. I'd say to start studying about two weeks before your finals, just because it'll be your first time taking them! & Remember that a C or above on a final generally won't hurt your overall average, and one bad grade can't do that much harm! Don't study last-minute like I am ;] 3) For test and quizzes, be sure to understand exactly what will be on your assesment. Read over your notes briefly and write down any information you think will be important to remember. By writing things down, this helps to trigger your memory. Color-coordinating also helps when you're studying! 4) Good luck, and it definitely won't be as hard as you're expecting =] Hope this helped! It's super long haha ♥

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