Topic: It case study presentation
May 26, 2019 / By Gardenia Question:
I'm 18 and I like a girl who is of the same age as me at college. Three months ago, I sent her a SMS saying that I would like to talk to her to get to know her better. Previously we were just normal friends. When she didn't reply, I called her to say that I admired her. She said it was weird. So I told her that it's ok and we can just be friends. Despite that, she would make a weird expression whenever she bumps into me. A week later I told her via Messenger that I hope things would be back to normal and not to give me those weird expressions. She told me that if I like her, she's not interested in a relationship now. Since she said that way, I didn't pursue further. I also heard from her friends that she'd 5 previous relationships (the last one ended 4 months ago), and she'd been hurt.
After that, I caught her looking towards me in class a few times. Once during English class my lecturer asked her a question and she can't answer. The lecturer said she could ask someone she likes to answer for her. I looked at her and she looked back at me for a few seconds, then I turned away. She proceeded to call someone else. Sometimes I would look straight into her eyes to tell her I like her, and she didn't look away immediately. When I was doing a presentation, I saw her smiling to herself. A few weeks later I saw her friends teasing her about a guy on Facebook. My name was not mentioned, but her roommate confirmed that they were talking about me. Throughout the time I didn't talk to her much, because she would turn away after answering any questions that I ask her. But I take the above signs that she likes me too. Yet she stated Facebook that she's "single and not available" and doesn't have a crush on anybody.
Last week, summer break started and I thought that it's a good time to ask her out. I tried gauging her response by asking her a few general questions, and she still gives me a cold response. So two days later I asked her once and for all her feelings towards me via Messenger. She said she has no feelings towards me. I offered to wait for her in case she's not ready for a relationship, but she said "good luck then"... Also she said hopefully we'll just be friends. It's like the world came crashing down on me. For those months I've been telling myself that she likes me and it's worth the wait, yet now she tells me to give up without giving it a try.
I don't know what should I do after this. Is it because I'm not good enough for her to be rejected that way? It's a blow to my confidence. Sometimes I hate her for doing this to me and yet sometimes I crave for her companionship. I don't know how will things go from here, and I don't know whether to hang on or move on. I would like to ask her out, but I don't want to get rejected again. I know there are other girls at college, but currently I do not feel any attraction to them.
Thanks for reading this and any advice would be appreciated.
Haha... I guess you guys are right. I've become too obsessed with her. Yes, sometimes people do foolish stuff just to get someone else's attention, but no, I'm not crazy or insane. "Hate" is a strong word, and I shouldn't have used it. I'm just frustrated and confused at her actions. There're happenings in which led me to believe that she likes me, like the fact she was smiling at me when she couldn't answer the question. Her roomate even asked me to try to call her and said I'm suitable with her because we're both quite good in studies. So yeah... mixed signals.
To xninjagrrl, I have to keep this question as short and concise as possible so I regret that you have to jump to so many conclusions about me based on the information given. Firstly, you'll never catch me stalking and murdering someone like what you see on CNN. Does finding out information about someone constitute stalking? And it's not my intention to make someone uncomfortable. If she thinks I'm scum, then I expect her not to return my gaze at all. It's a way of finding out her reaction. Secondly, I'm not a foreigner and not a stranger to her. In fact, we come from the same town. Once she even took my car back. That's when my mom met her. Thirdly, I do not "justify this in your mind as it being all her fault". I've asked myself many times in which part I'm not good enough for her. Fourth, OMG, I fooled my mom? I actually had to defend her saying that she is NOT a playgirl.
Yeah, I'm told directly by her to give up. I understand it loud and clear. That's precisely the reason I'm asking this question. Forgive me for not stating it clearly: I do not want to lose her as a friend. I used to be able to talk to her normally, but now she's treating me this way whenever I try to talk to her. Asking her out doesn't mean I want to begin a relationship with her. I want to ask her out as a friend without her thinking that I'm going after her. In short, I want advice on how to make us more comfortable with each other.
And please - don't insult my intelligence. There's nothing amusing about the situation at that time. And her roomate did ask me to call her; I don't see how this can be misinterpreted. Her roomate even said she's too shy to admit her feelings... so what can I say? You can't blame me for saying that I'm frustrated because of her, because that's how I feel. It's happens to you too when you couldn't get something you want. It takes time to get over it - I'm just ranting out my feelings.
Deb | 6 days ago
You can't hate her for doing this to you!! She's not doing ANYTHING to you except tell you truthfully that she doesn't want to be with you! You, my friend are doing this to yourself by being obsessive and making a fool of yourself! You need to learn that everyone you like isn't going to like you back!........any more than you're going to like every girl who likes you. Hear what she is saying to you ..."GIVE UP" , "NOT INTERESTED", "SINGLE AND NOT AVAILABLE", "COLD RESPONSE" 'NO FEELINGS FOR YOU' Exactly what part of this don't you understand!! You're becoming a stalker! You are only going to EVER be rejected by her! MOVE ON!! Get a life!!
Edit: She is most definitely not giving you mixed messages! A smile doesn't necessarily mean she likes you. People also smile when they are amused....which she probably is because you're not getting the message. You believe her girlfriend telling you to call her because that's what you WANT to believe. Forget about what her girlfriend said. You were told directly by this girl to GOIVE UP!!
Originally Answered: How do i overcome these feelings?
Depending on your age, this is just a phase, you have to work through with confidence in yourself. It has to do with SELF ESTEEM issues.
Or it could be the symptoms of something more serious. A Dr appt would be advisable.
You may be feeling insecure and vulnerable at the mercy of others. Don't sweat it. You are merely learning the BEST lesson in life.
YOU need to be YOUR OWN best friend.
Learn what your true needs in life are.
Create a network of people around you that make you feel GOOD about you. Discover your strengths, minimise your weaknesses by not heeding to them.
If awful things happen, say to yourself "OK, that happened, now what can 'I' do to correct this situation."
You are aware of what is happening to you WELL DONE as some people don't. Curb your 'paranoia' chances are you are NOT being talked about as often as you believe. Laugh it off, as just your way of showing yourself you are under STRESS. It comes and goes.
Find ways of calming down, 'grounding' yourself (earthy things like watering plants, gardening or working with clay)
Remind yourself 'you are over-reacting' but there is something in your present circumstance that is aggitating this and bringing on bad feelings. Don't feed the bad feelings. Slowly replace them with POSITIVE, POSITIVE, POSITIVE!
You are sensitive and need to eliminate negative thought from your self-talk, and negative people from your close friendships, OK?
Take care of you, find some joyful things to enhance your soon to be wonderful life!!
All the best X
Originally Answered: How do i overcome these feelings?
the simple answer is will power.
You sound overly paranoid, you need to learn and practice on simply letting go. Free yourself.
worst case scenario you are a schizo, but I highly doubt it. When I am under the influence of psychedelics I sometimes get an overwhelming sense of people talking behind my back and almost conspiring against me. Through sheer willpower you can make it all go away. The way I look at it even if people are talking behind your back, whatever. Don't let it get to you. Let go.
dude, honestly now, you come across as some crazy stalker who years down the line i will see on CNN news for stalking and murdering a girl he used to go to school with...NOTHING in your description leads me to believe this girl has ever liked you, she said she thinks it is weird that you admire her, she does not talk to you in class, her and her friends make fun of you and call you the "facebook guy" or whatever..are you insane? what is wrong with your thought processes as to where you would think any of this constitutes her liking you? here is your exact quote "But I take the above signs that she likes me too." If she liked you she would make fun of you and ignore you and say you are weird etc. i guarantee you were never even friends. You were just some dude in her class who stared at her alot and made her feel uncomfortable.
the scary part of this is you some how justify this in your mind as it being all her fault (dont deny it, you said sometimes i hate her for doing this to me) SHE DID NOTHING TO YOU, you did it all to yourself, do not blame this girl for your own obsessive compulsiveness, seriously, if i knew who this girl was i would inform her of this and advise her to inform campus security so when years down the line her body turns up in a ditch, at least the cops have a place to start the investigation...
you need to forget about this girl and move on, and dont be so obsessive about a girl, jeez, girls come and go man
Well considering the fact that virtually all christians are people and are sinners similar to you are...That is why we'd like Jesus Christ. They don't seem to be Jesus Christ and nobody will ever be like Jesus Christ nonetheless we are meant to determine out our first-class to be like Him and unforunately we fall procedure brief ordinarily. Satan has a stronghold on really a bit of christians and he can convince them that you simply shouldnt love your enemies and also you will have to bash them or something and with no powerful faith and a powerful skills of Jesus Christ's teachings approximately loving your enemies you're going to be announced all of the means all the way down to devil's degree and do a disservice to christianity..I had been responsible of it previous than nonetheless i'm searching for to like my enemies now...Its no longer helpful mainly while to reply your last query approximately how are christians any one of a kind than muslims...Good the very first thing that entails mind is that I dont realize if any christians who will kill themselves along side countless numbers or additional blameless humans for his or her faith!...That's what would make it so rough to love such evil guys and ladies..However we are commanded to and that i committed to doing that and i am hoping additional christians can start doing that. Additionally a further reply could also be that a lot of these so known as christians who talk that unhealthy approximately each and every one of a kind religion are without doubt now not truly christians or believers in Jesus Christ..They most effective say they are to take a appear at and get to heaven when they arent fooling God or any individual else!