Having troubles writing chapter two. read what i have?
Topic: How to write a story about time travel
July 16, 2019 / By Evelia Question:
by the way this is only a rough copy
I starred out the window of the car and watched the trees quickly pass by. Soon they ended and were replaced by a huge green field and a landing strip. I watched a big white plane take off and fly up in the sky. Its wings slicing through the air smoothly as it slowly made its way up to the clouds. The Brington airport was very large and as I starred at it I couldn’t help but wonder how the hell I was going to get from one side of the US to the other on my own. Thank god I would only be taking two planes.
I said my goodbyes to my mom and she asked once again if I was sure I could handle traveling on my own. This time I just picked up my bags and walked over to the conveyer belt. The lady checked my tickets and took my luggage. She checked my carry on bag and then let me through. Just before I went through the doors were I would be waiting for my plane, I turned around and waved good bye to my mom.
She blew me a kiss and waved back. I smiled at her and for a second all I wanted to do was run back yelling mommy, I want to stay with you. Instead I turned around and started walking towards the seats.
that was the begining of my chapter two. i was having some troubles writing it so if you can just point out somethings i should change that would be great.
Best Answers: Having troubles writing chapter two. read what i have?
Coleen | 8 days ago
The plane crashes?
Editing is very hard when you don't know the context. Here are my suggestions:
Delay the plane. The character goes to get a drink, or something... Hijinks ensue! Is his bag going to get stolen? Will he get in trouble? What?
Or, the plane comes, no problem.
Have this character sit down in his/her plane seat, and, after the stewardesses' safety speech and the plane takes off, have him take in his surroundings. Who is sitting next to him? In front of him? Behind him? What kind of people is he going to be sharing this flight with?
Perhaps there are some tourists. Businessmen, chatting into their phones, irritated that they have to put them away and looking eager to get on their laptops. Perhaps someone's returning home. Maybe the person nearby is reading the newspaper--have the character envy that decision.
Is the character sitting at the window seat? Maybe he'll order his soda and plan to spend his trip looking out, watching the world go by beneath him as he travels (for the first time?)...
Most of this is just filler, but it's all I can do when I don't know the situation. What is most important for the beginning of a story is to get a feel for the character. You've got a great inner-monologue, with the character wishing he could turn around in stay... continue that. What are his reasons for going? Where is he going? How does he feel about all this?
As for grammar and spelling... I would add dialogue instead of "she asked once again if I was sure..." There's no voice in that! Does she ask worriedly, wringing her hands? Is her voice shaking? Is she smiling bravely for her kid?
There are a few commas you're missing, and "starred" should be "stared." Run it through Microsoft Word, that should catch most of them.
Otherwise, not bad. Keep writing.
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Originally Answered: Please read this (which is in chapter 3 in the book I'm writing)?
Keep it in one tense. You have mixtures between past and present in there- I know some writers have difficulty with that. You also have a few spelling and grammatical errors scattered around in there.
Hyphens are wonderful means of punctuation, but you're using them in the wrong way. For example, the line, "...small light that- looked like a star-" could be simply, "small light that looked like a star". It's gramatically incorrect to use hyphens that way- read that sentence out loud. When you're going on about what she had inside her backpack, you didn't need the hyphen. You should have kept on with the list, not split it apart meaninglessly in the middle.
Sorry, I'm a grammar freak. xD But aside from the errors, it's actually pretty good. :3 I'd give it an eight. *Holds up large purple sign*
I like your story. You say "I was having some trouble writing it" actually that is a good thing it shows you are stretching your writing skills. Some things come easy in writing but the things that don't make us work harder and make our writing even stronger.
Every writer has a voice and you have found yours. It is nice and conveys emotion and a great use of words. I'm interested in reading more. If you take this story further, here are some ideas you could think of using. Once you are on the plane and flying introduce a character who is like you, someone who is moving forward in life but has reservations, or introduce a character who is up in age and can give you advice that would be an interesting conversation, or maybe have a few different people, different ages, different cultures. An airplane ride is a community of people and if you introduce these people and your reactions to them and theirs to you it would be something new. A child or two would add a whole new dimension.
Whatever you choose to do I don't think you have to worry your writing is good and you have no problem showing versus telling. Stick with your writing, you definitely have talent. Try picking a topic or genre that you haven't written before, it will help your writing. And never stop learning to write as we are always learning. Good luck from one writer to the next!
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What Junebug stated. Or, as a larger guy than me stated, "there's no great writing: there is purely great rewriting." although i'd desire to admit to being sceptical that this settlement is actual. in case you incredibly had a settlement for a special which you hadn't written yet, you will have already got a music record of turning in severe-high quality writing on time, and would understand that modifying as you bypass is a recipe for under no circumstances ending. you will additionally understand for constructive that the 1st paragraph has to snatch the reader, and not purely have study it someplace.
👍 113 | 👎 -4
You migh want to take out the overused description and use something different (the plane sliced through the sky-it' good, but I feel like I heard that before somewhere else) try and write bigger sentences and use better description but stay away from cliches. I actually don't want to give you any examples because I've been writing all day and I'm kinda burnt out. But keep writing and keep at it.
👍 106 | 👎 -10
its really good. i don't think you should change anything. keep going, but don't feel rushed. take your time. when you think of something good, you'll know and then go from there. if worse comes to worse, start another story. make it similar, but change it around a bit. hope i helped you and good luck!
👍 99 | 👎 -16