Originally Answered: 12 year old daughter being extremely rude,what would be a reasonable punishment?
Okay, I'll try to work through each of the issues you have listed the best I can. I hope I can be of some help :)
To be honest, yes, this is perfectly normal 12 year old behavior. Your daughter is at the age where she is testing her boundaries and learning more about herself and her personal limits. While this is a totally natural thing, you are still her parent and it is very important that you maintain consistent discipline so she can learn what is okay and what it not.
First of all, you should've been teaching her respect from a very very young age. As soon as my son and daughter could talk and walk (11 months/10 months) I began teaching them the words "Ma'am, Sir, Excuse Me, May I, Please, Thank You, and Your Welcome" It is never too late to teach your child manners. The best way I have found to ensure that my children are polite and respectful is to go "deaf" when they don't use the proper words. If I call their name and they answer "What" or "Huh", I simply ignore them until they say "Yes mom" or "Ma'am". I obviously don't require my kids to call me only ma'am but I do expect them to respect me.
12 & 13 year olds kiss boys. I lost my virginity at 14. Kids are becoming more sexually aware at a younger age and it is vital than you sit down with your daughter and keep the lines of communication open. Teach her about STD's, STI's, the risk of pregnancy, the proper way to use contraception and the emotional ties having sex can create. This is gonna be hard, but you really need to be willing to buy her birth control and condoms if she comes to you and says she is ready to be sexually active. I know as a parent it would be hard to let your teen daughter have sex, but take it from teen mom with a mother who didn't teach me anything about sex, being open with your daughter is the BEST thing you can do for her.
I got a cell phone at 9. I was only allowed to use it to call my parents. When I turned 13 I was allowed to use it for texting and calling friends. I would recommend getting her one, but make sure you have strict guidelines for how she is allowed to use it. If she breaks any rules then you have every right to take it away from her until you feel she is ready for it back.
Reasonable punishments for a 12 year old would be groundings and restriction. When I was grounded it was always for two weeks. I was only allowed to go to and from school. When I was home I had to stay in my room and do nothing except homework, sleep, and come out for restroom breaks, breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Restrictions for me were taking away the TV, cell phone and computer for anywhere from 5-9 days depending on what I did wrong. I was still allowed to go out with friends but my curfew was 8PM instead of the usual 11PM.
Best of luck with your daughter :)