Is this a good start for my first chapter?

Is this a good start for my first chapter? Topic: M a these days rarest
July 17, 2019 / By Dolly
Question: Summary: Emma Parker has gone through a life of misery, after spending most of her life in a hospital because of a tumor that has slowly grown inside her body. Aware that maybe she will spend the last moment's of her life in the hospital bed, a beautiful man visits her and introduces himself as "Chance". Chance tells her that he has the power to give her just a little time to enjoy life like a normal person. Emma agrees and follows Chance, he heals her and they escape into the free world. Chance shows her everything that she has missed and accompanies her to creating memories together. But as she's about to fall for him, he tells her that these moments aren't meant to last forever, and that his powers will soon fade away. Emma accepts, and lives on, until she feels the tumor slowly grow back. She tells Chance her feelings, and because of his love for her, gives her another chance at living a life. Chapter One: “Happy Birthday Emma,” The words wrung in my ears like a song stuck on replay. Suddenly, my hospital room was full of family, taking pictures of me and offering balloons. That’s right, today is my 15th birthday. “Your so beautiful honey,” Aunt Martha says, like she does every year. The look in her eyes is of sympathy. Every one stares at me, like I’m some kind of poor animal stuck in this bed. I look around and try to sit up straight, but my dad has to help me get up. “Are you getting any better?” The man on my right says. “Yes,” I lie. My whole body trembles, I feel like the tumor growing in my heart makes me heavier. Everyday, I take medication to stop the pain. To make it go away… “We pray for you everyday,” Most of them murmur. I wish that prayers could cure me, and others that are in the same condition as me. Tumors in the heart are rare, and the doctors always treat me nicely, as if it was my last day here. “I hope you get better Emma-“, Mom and dad say. I hope for that too. Did i make her complain too much? Please give me some advice to starting the chapter :)
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Best Answers: Is this a good start for my first chapter?

Carolyn Carolyn | 9 days ago
Wow! That's a cool plot and I like ur first chapter too( I'm sure its not complete) now coming back to the story I find one problem Emma has a tumor in her body and she meets Chance Why Chance comes and meet her? Why doesn't he comes to any other person? Emma should ask these questions with him in the middle of the book and he should answer her very logically like "I was the one who sent you to Earth." like that stuff and at start the book with a party and in the middle of the party she realizes that something's not normal with her and within two three chapters they get to know that she is suffering from a very big disease. I think overall ur book's gonna be a cool one Hope it helps ;)
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Carolyn Originally Answered: Is this a good first chapter?
Wow. I don't even really know what to say. There were good points and bad points about it, but no piece of writing is ever perfect. I liked the beginning and the end, the part about the alley as her cage, and the way Alex knows everything about the city and its streets. You have an interesting plot, that I think has a lot of potential, depending on which way you go with the story. The other thing I liked was your title 'Matters of Poor Post.' It's original and creative, so well done. A few parts were a bit confusing because of grammar or they just didn't flow. My suggestion would be to get someone to proofread and edit after you've finished your first draft. There was also too much description and detail in a few parts. I'm not sure what it is about your writing style, it's just so unique and kind of edgy, I don't know how to describe it. But it is a good writing style that was very compelling and interesting to read. I'd like to know where your story goes from here, you have a lot of talent and can only get better from now on. So good luck with your story, and hope all goes well for you! =)
Carolyn Originally Answered: Is this a good first chapter?
It's a good chapter. Great detail! Not bad for a fifteen year old. I sucked when I was fifteen. I bet you'll do better.

Angelina Angelina
So some randome guy named Chance comes up to her in the hospital, and tells her he has a power to give her? And she's like 15 and she lived with a tumer on her heart most of her life? She should be dead by now...even if it were slow growing.
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Angelina Originally Answered: Is this Chapter of my story good?
Honestly, I do not recommend coming to Yahoo answers for writing help. First, you're not always guaranteed a good answer, or an answer at all for that matter. Also, not everyone on Yahoo answers cares enough to really write out a long post to help you. Which is why I've been suggesting that people join a forum - I highly recommend Develop My Skills. It's a new forum, with a solid group of active members that strive to help other writers and/or photo editers and/or artists develop and improve their skills. You're guaranteed well, thought out answers/replies, and advice, help, and tips when needed. It's a wonderful community and a great place to relax. There's a Weekly Caption Contest opening soon, too, and a group novel (a novel that will be written by a group of Develop My Skills members that want to participate) that you can join or help with if you want. http://developmyskills.proboards.com/index.cgi :) This isn't pointless spam, by the way, these are my real thoughts and suggestions.
Angelina Originally Answered: Is this Chapter of my story good?
Its okay, maybe a few things could be fixed up, but as i was reading it i was thinking "PERCY JACKSON! PERCY JACKSON!" its slightly too similar. Plus, i dont think you should actually STATE things. For example, instead of saying ‘You’re asking me because? Ask him!’ Giving Harry a sideward glance. She shook her head; I don’t think Zoey likes Harry. You could say: "You're asking me because? Ask him!" I glanced at Harry pointedly, but Zoey pulled a face which said better than words could how she felt about Harry.

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