Topic: How to write a sense of time poem
June 17, 2019 / By Cady Question:
Yeah I wrote it at 1 in the morning it was one of times where the pen just started writing lol. Personally I think it's damn good lol, I've never really written in this style before so yeah tell me what you think, constructive criticism is always welcome,I do take peoples advice into mind and actually use some of them. No bashing please.
night takes my breath away,
beyond vengeance's sky.
Biting through words on my tongue,
Cyanide like clouds suffocate me.
Malice evades my skin,
Monoxide intertwined with tears.
Eyes see breaking of dawns,
Grasping through the dusk.
Poisonous lips tastes of lies,
Fingertips flirt with pasts ashes.
Weakness batters my limbs,
Leaving with the wind.
Fear carries me into the depths of oblivion.
Idk it sounds unfinished to me, so when something strikes me (I never force myself to write) I'll repost it with hopefully a finished product.
it's a thinking outside the box poem
Lol I was always told at a young age that poetry didn't have to make sense, as long as it made sense to you. I read good poems all the time that make no sense to me what so ever but to that person and maybe someone else it does.
True. Thanks freckles and thanks twinkie
and again free verse poetry has NO rules. it can repeat, doesn't need punctuation, it's your own thing.
Allyson | 3 days ago
I really like it. REALLY LIKE IT.
lol. Well, i guess it's because i'm a type of person that sometimes i just want things short and just there, so this poem i liked because i loved how a lot of the lines are just 1 word. It gets my attention... I don't know why, but it does.
The poem itself i like too, and ya, not all poems have to make sense.
There are a lot of good ideas and lines in there, but they are diluted by the unnecessary repetitions - and a tinge of cliche.
I sincerely have no idea what you should do with it, cause i have no idea what the meaning or point is you are trying to make with this poem. One thing that leaps out though: Your 'wordplay' is good.