I'm worried my friend is getting to close to her 'teacher crush'. Is there anything I should do/watch out for?
Topic: How to write a report for school teachers
June 16, 2019 / By Mable Question:
I should start by saying that I know teachers can be supportive and private talks may be innocent, the worrying thing about the amount of time they spend together is that my friend REALLY likes him.
She talks about him all the time. She says he's amazing and attractive and how she's really in love with him.
She also says that he gets closer than he needs to, treats her like she's special and everyting like that. I know tat may just be her misinterpreting things, but it worries me.
She sees no issue with it whatsoever, talks openly about how much she likes him and how she thinks he likes her. She goes off on long 'social justice' speeches about how teacher student relationships are demonized and how it's disgusting that teacher student relationships get no representation the media. This especially worries me as she subscribes to the 'teenagers are adults and can completely consent to anything, can look after themselves and are not children etc.' I'm not giving an opinion on that but when she goes from that to say that he is adult enough to chose to sleep with him or whatever, I worry.
She goes to see him daily. She spends lunch in his room and he allows it. I just don't get why he doesn't see what she thinks of him, she literally skips up to him!
She writes a blog about this stuff, how it should be allowed and gives advice on how to get close.
The combination of her infatuation and his allowing her to get very close and spend so much time with him concerns me.
I don't know if he reciprocates, but I worry that he might because it seems so glaringly obvious and he hasn't taken any steps to put space and boundaries between them. Maybe he really just doesn't know?
@anonymous maybe I am being to harsh with it. Laws can be arbitrary I agree, but they still exist. It may not cause psychological or physical harm but , if they get caught, the law will be enforced regardless. If they get caught it will impact both of their lives and I don't want that to happen. Whether you agree with the law or the 'criminals' there will be harm.
@cjvw622 I can't work out how to comment without revealing my name, which I'd rather not do. So thanks, you're right. It's not my responsibility. Something similar happened at my school before and it went undiscovered for a very long time. I saw the similarities and got myself worked up into a panic. But it's probably fine and will be dealt with officially anyways. Thanks, I've calmed down now :) And just in case someone intervenes or something happens, I'll make sure I'm there for her.
Best Answers: I'm worried my friend is getting to close to her 'teacher crush'. Is there anything I should do/watch out for?
Kelley | 4 days ago
You don't say whether you are in high school or college. I assume it is the former. The teacher is an adult, and it is up to him to handle the situation. If you go reporting to the principal or a counselor, the assumption will be made that there is something wrong with YOU. If she tells you that HE has suggested meeting her outside of school or something inappropriate, then you might tell her that you're concerned
and that his career will be ruined, but right now he probably just feels sorry for her. HE should be worried about the blog, though. Once it's on the Internet, it's out there, whether there's anything going on or not. Remember that you're not the only one in the school with eyes. If you can see this, others can too. Eventually a colleague or the principal will speak to the teacher, and your friend will need you as a friend when her crush is rejected. Stay out of it.
👍 216 | 👎 4
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a) she's not a child, and
b) she is consenting
how can you be "worried" for her? Worried about what? A legal fiction that has no basis in reality?
Notice how your long post does not actually specify what is the supposed harm? The reason is, because there isn't any.
Get this: what you are witnessing is normal human behaviour. The condemnation of it does not make logical sense:
"It's bad because it's under an arbitrary age decreed in the abstract by government without knowing the parties, and which has no connection whatsoever with any given stage of biological or psychological development, and no connection whatsoever with any real harm. And how do we know it's harmful? Because it's under that age." The reasoning is circular = illogical = irrational.
It's nonsense, she correctly understands this, and it is she, not you, who is in the right of it.
With respect, you should mind your own business.
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Since she as the point where she thinks she knows better and doesn't want to listen, then maybe you should talk to your counselor or the principal. Tell them that while there isn't anything sexual going on, you are concerned that your friend may want to cross that student teacher relationship and may act on her crush and get this teacher in trouble. You could also remain anonymous. If you talk to the principal, they can talk to this teacher that maybe he should kind of distance himself from her.
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nothing you can say will change her mind...just let her be and hope she'll open her eyes before it's too late
👍 84 | 👎 -14
You should be worried! Clearly she wont listen to you so I recommend mentioning it to a teacher you trust.
👍 81 | 👎 -20
Originally Answered: How do I get over a teacher crush?
From my standpoint (and may I remind you that it's from behind a computer screen, LOL), it kind of seems more like an infatuation or even a "craze" for lack of better words. Your initial hatred towards him may also play a role in this "crush" of yours and probably has to do with something in your sub-conscious. You know you hate him, and know (hopefully) that it's not quite "correct" for you two to have a deeper relationship; but I guess it's one of those "opposites attract" sort of thing. Besides, you can't stay mad at someone for too long, unless they really had a HUGE impact (i.e. - life altering) on your life.
Right now, since you've been thinking this over, you've already established the fact that you have this "crush" on him. Because of this, you're now going to notice the little things that he does (e.g. - holding doors open for you, picking up a pen or pencil that you've dropped, etc), and those things are only going to feed the fuel to your fire. In reality, though, he's probably just trying to portray himself as a nice person/teacher.
As for you getting over him: take your mind off him, same thing as when you break up with someone you've had true feelings for. Do stuff, head outside, do your hobbies or find new ones, hang out with your other girl friends/boy friends. Keep yourself busy; and I can see how you might be skeptical of this, since you probably do see him everyday in school; but once you REALLY start doing other things other than focusing on him, you'll be better off.
Part of your recovery also has to do with personal mental self-discipline. Keep saying to yourself that you know it's wrong for you to take this relationship any further, etc. Treat him like any other teacher.
And don't worry, college is coming up really soon for you. Once you head to college, you'll meet so many new people, whether they're at school, work, etc. and most likely forget about your "crush."
Hope this helps a bit. Kind of went in circles up there; 10 hours of sleep so far this week doesn't help, lol.