Do you think some wedding vows should be removed?
Topic: How to write a reference for a friend examples
June 16, 2019 / By Abigale Question:
Such as: for better or worse?
Adultery and Abuse would be considered "worse" and alot of people divorce for these things.
Also-for richer or poorer. People will often divorce if there is not as much money coming in as they would like.
Perhaps I should add that I asked this because I feel that people give up on thier vows too easily.
I have been married for 15 years and we have had all of these things happen... which makes me ask this. I have had to endure all of this. So I wonder- should I put up with it for the sake of our vows?
Best Answers: Do you think some wedding vows should be removed?
Stirling | 7 days ago
I wrote our wedding vows, so there were only references to respect, integrity, and honesty.
So...in that sense, I guess...yeah...I think people should only "vow" to those things by which they really intend to abide. Isn't that what a vow is?
Personally, I think people take marriage too lightly. While I think most don't "intend" to get divorced, I think they don't responsibly consider who their partners really are, or even their own true desires.
There has never been a divorce in my family; not parents, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles or cousins (at least any that I know of). If there's a monogamy gene, my family has it!
A dear friend of mine recently left her husband, so that will be the very first divorce that has personally touched me. While those two seemed happy (and some quick marriages do last), they were married only six months after meeting online, and will be divorced (5 years later) because my friend apparently secretly carried a torch for an old friend. When he became "available" she decided she'd rather try a relationship with him, instead of sticking with her marriage. (She'd never indicated any kind of unhappiness in her marriage, prior to announcing she was leaving her husband for this other man.)
I can only imagine that if my friend had been more honest (even if it was just with herself) about her true feelings for this other guy, she might not have rushed into marriage. On the flip side, I don't think waiting to get married would have necessarily prevented my friend's husband from being devastated like this. I mean, my friend only unloaded this "information" a few months ago. They'd been married for five years and, as far as he knew, everything was fine. So even if they'd waited 4 years, he might not have learned anything that would have discouraged him from marrying her.
Still, I can't help but encourage people to do a lot of soul searching and just wait...take a breath...and wait to get married until they're really, really sure they know the other person AND themselves.
EDITED TO ADD:
Phenomanon... You wrote, "I have been married for 15 years and we have had all of these things happen... which makes me ask this. I have had to endure all of this. So I wonder- should I put up with it for the sake of our vows?"
I've never been in your situation, so I don't know what I would do, if push came to shove. But I will say this, it is my firm belief that I would not stay in a marriage where my partner didn't live up to his vows. I would not stay in a marriage after adultery. I just know I wouldn't. I can barely even type my feelings about abuse... Nope. Not gonna happen. I've always said, "A man could disrespect me...once." You know that ol' saying, "Fool me once. Shame on you. Fool me twice. Shame on me,"? Well, that is how I feel about that kind of thing.
When I was dating, there was no future if the man didn't open doors and pull chairs out for me. (Not that that's what everyone needs. But those kinds of things were important to me.) I certainly wouldn't be around anyone who made me feel bad or was hostile or anything like that.
I have excellent examples of good marriages all around me, so I know that someone who loves you would NEVER say something ugly or nasty to you or about you. I sometimes come across people who say some of the most unflattering things about their spouses, and I just think, 'Dude...get out of that relationship. You don't actually love and respect that person. Find someone you do.'
13 years later and I can't wait for my husband to come home from work, each day. A smile breaks out across my face when I see him walk from the train to our car, when I go to pick him up. I love spending every available minute with him. And while he's not perfect, you'd never hear me bad-mouthing him to anyone. I certainly wouldn't tolerate him saying anything hurtful to me. (He never would though. We love each other.) As I said in another discussion, I know I have an almost impossibly high standard for the men I've dated (and myself). But anything less is...well...settling.
I wouldn't presume to tell you what to do. And I would hope you could find a way to work things out. But me? My partner saying something hurtful to me is the kind of thing I'd have a hard time forgetting. More importantly, I'd wonder why I'd want to stay with someone who, even momentarily, wanted to hurt me. That's not love. We're all human. And we all make mistakes. And not everyone had good relationship role models to follow. I "get" that. But there's a point when adults have to take responsibility for their actions. And you don't truly love someone if you disrespect them.
I wish you the very best in the future. I hope you get all the goods things you deserve in life! :-)
👍 142 | 👎 7
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Originally Answered: What gift can i give using my wedding vows?
You could use wedding / honeymoon photos together with your wedding vows and make it into a collage in a big frame or scrap book. You could also add momentos from your big day like an invitation, napkin etc.... You could also write her a poem or love letter if you wanted to saying how happy you are on your first married Xmas with her.
Hope this helps. :)
There isn't anything wrong with the vows the way they are. What's wrong is that people don't take them seriously anymore. They would rather divorce than go through a hard time. Of course, some marriages are not healthy, but to divorce because times are tight financially? I've told my husband before that I'd rather be poor and have him than be rich and alone. If you love someone enough, you can get through anything.
👍 50 | 👎 1
Apparently, you don't know what he institution of marriage is all about.
Marriage is not a carnival ride...only to be enjoyed as long as the thrills are forthcoming.
Most marriages suffer through a period (often in perpetuity) of poverty. Most marriages have, what some limp-wristed quack in a university would call, abuse; be it verbal, emotional, or otherwise.
I sincerely hope you have more regard for marriage than your post would imply. Otherwise, the poor sucker you married should be told he's only with you until you get bored, he loses his job, or your feelings get hurt.
True marriage withstands all things. Even if your husband was rendered bedridden for the rest of his life, you would be expected to care and protect him. He's your husband.
And even if you were horribly burned in a fire, he would be expected to love you and treat with kindness and respect.
Better or worse; for richer, for poor; in sickness and in health; TILL DEATH DO YOU PART!
I suppose you want to eliminate the last qualification to hm?
Get it straight in your head now girl. The man you marry (or married) should, ought, can, will, would, and shall be the last man you sleep with, the last man you live with, and the only man you take as a husband in his life. And he should commit just as strongly to you.
👍 44 | 👎 -5
I had them remove the obey out of my vows.I think that is a little opressive and old fashioned. My husband would want to take it too literally. But the rest of them are really great things to live by in a marriage if at all possible. But then again, it's a good thing that divorce is available in the case of abuse and adultery.
👍 38 | 👎 -11
The problem here is that you are not taking the entirety of the vows in context. Both members agree to the same things:
"I, (Bride/Groom), take you (Groom/Bride), to be my (wife/husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part."
You see that "to love and to cherish" part? By my definition, that strictly forbids both cheating and abuse. If a husband does those things, he has broken his vows, plain and simple.
As for people divorcing if there's not as much income as they'd like, that is, to me, a bogus reason to divorce. My wife's been unemployed for 9 months as of right now, but I think it would be completely stupid to throw away a 22 year long marriage for such a triviality.
👍 32 | 👎 -17
In the old days when the wedding vows were written you did not divorce for these things you worked through them. Today I don't know why we get married at all.
👍 26 | 👎 -23
Originally Answered: What is a "football" wedding? What is a "shotgun" wedding?
A friend of mine is having a "shotgun" wedding and I'm a bridesmaid. You could say I was a little shocked to hear about it about 2 months of her moving in with the guy.
As to the football wedding, I'm going to take a wild stab at it....A wedding planned around a football schedule or is it the bride waiting for the groom to "kick off".
I've tried a few search engines using "football wedding", "meaning of football wedding" and "history of football wedding" and was brought to stories about Alabama football, weddings, and a story about Austrailian "football". I give up and just tell me what a "football wedding" means.
Ok I found something with a reference to a football wedding..And from what I can decipher...It sounds like a wedding that pulls out all the stops to include just about everyone.
"Our wedding was almost at hand, and we were kept busy with the details involved with the reception following the wedding. Marrying off a daughter can be very costly for those parents who have the financial means to supply a lavish reception. Such was not the case as far as our wedding was concerned, as we planned it on a minimal budget.
In addition to our large families, Dad and I had lots of friends. As we prepared our guest list, the roster seemed to grow and grow. Among those included, besides family, were my former schoolmates, members of the Legion of Mary, the church choir, the Malverne Fire Department, and both baseball teams (the Lakeview Ramblers and the Malverne Club). In addition, Dad and his brother Joe had developed a close relationship with the mayor of Malverne, Bill Gaddis, and his son Bill Jr. Both Bills were active members of the Malverne Club, as were Dad and Joe. In order to accommodate everybody and avoid slighting anybody, we planned what was identified as a “football” wedding - a far cry from today’s standards."
***But I'm still working on it. So far it seems to be a New York state term with Italian influence. And something about how food would be "tossed" to guests and family members.