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Are insults alluding to sexual violence EVER appropriate?

Are insults alluding to sexual violence EVER appropriate? Topic: How to write a letter of reference for someone
June 25, 2019 / By Allard
Question: I would say that in the VAST majority of cases, they are not and certainly out of the blue rape "jokes" are never acceptable. But if someone makes reference to my genitalia in order to demean me, I think it right and proper that I be allowed to make reference to my genitalia as a way to demean them. Am I wrong here? I say this particularly when the individual in question was given an opportunity to apologize without being criticized or called out and declined to do so. Look, I am sure what I said was over the top. But as a black man in particular I am sick and tired of being DEHUMANIZED by people thinking my genitalia are an appropriate topic for discussion, by a society than portrays me with names normally used for animals. And I've experienced being sexually assaulted by a female. Grabbing me there and saying "I wanted to see if it was true about black men" then when I complained to the person in charge of sexual abuse reports, a women's studies professor, being told to "get over it". So yeah, I have a right to be angry. EDIT You're right. I'm wrong. I apologize. The letter was completely over the top and totally unacceptable. It was totally disporportionate to any offense you may have - probably inadvertently - caused. Actually, "disporportionate" doesn't even begin to say how completely unwarranted it was. It was beyond rude: it was repugnant and vitriolic. It was beyond obscene: it was despicably, dehumanizingly, brutally grotesque. Again, my sincerest apologies. I accept yours and note that - as Lioness has led me to see, - your remarks probably had no malicious intent whatsoever, so your apology shouldn't even be necessary. I was simply wrong here. But you conciliatory attitude is much appreciated. I would take this down for being a stupid question, but I feel that might be evading my accountability for having behaved this way. Oracle, I appreciate your supportive remarks as well as your suggestions for more constructive ways to approach this. But Lioness has may very good points about my responding to this from a standpoint that the other person couldn't POSSIBLY have been aware of. And I don't think the degree of anger nor the form it took could ever be justified. In fact, I'd say I have not recently been "in my right mind" (due to illness and medications of which I'lll say no more because I do NOT want to excuse my behavior) and my outburst was completely unreasonable, whatever past experiences I may have had. Your supportive words are appreciated but really I was in the wrong here. No two ways about it.
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Best Answers: Are insults alluding to sexual violence EVER appropriate?

Tarina Tarina | 4 days ago
how is this for SEXUAL VIOLENCE? you hypocrite and I am not a feminist tho I am a woman and very pro and so I like them much better than you haters. " From: Gnu Sense Subject: concerning my genitalia Message: which you in your hypocrisy as a feminist presume to make a topic of discussion. I'd like to choke you with it. and I don't mean shoving it down your throat so you gag. I mean wrapping it around your neck a couple of times and pulling on it until it crushes your larynx." yOu nEEd seriOUs heLp *an ASTRONOMICAL difference btwn what I wrote and your emaiL to mE the appropriate thing to do was either report me if you thought it was reportable or to tell me you thought it was offensive what you did was instead unstable and psycho gottcha!!! you have revealed that you are sick and hateful He removed the question but it went something like women often worship or put him on a pedestal yada yada yada and I said something crude (cause I am Mantis) like you must be really big...and he sent me this violent email. I was never "given the opportunity to apologize" but if asked nicely I would have...I hope the opportunity wasn't the violent email. anyway enough of this ****. you lose dude didn't know you were black doesn't matter and what else doesn't matter is my husband is black and doesn't have ANY of the issues you have you need to apologize to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! if you are to have ANY integrity *BabU thaNk yOu bAby. evEn tho I cAn haNDle this onE ..whO said chivalry iS dead? Gnu: If your apology is sincere, I accept and extend one to you for I did not mean to offend at all but so deeply. I will not bother you again. thank you Lioness for your always articulate and intelligent nature!
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Tarina Originally Answered: Are insults alluding to sexual violence EVER appropriate?
how is this for SEXUAL VIOLENCE? you hypocrite and I am not a feminist tho I am a woman and very pro and so I like them much better than you haters. " From: Gnu Sense Subject: concerning my genitalia Message: which you in your hypocrisy as a feminist presume to make a topic of discussion. I'd like to choke you with it. and I don't mean shoving it down your throat so you gag. I mean wrapping it around your neck a couple of times and pulling on it until it crushes your larynx." yOu nEEd seriOUs heLp *an ASTRONOMICAL difference btwn what I wrote and your emaiL to mE the appropriate thing to do was either report me if you thought it was reportable or to tell me you thought it was offensive what you did was instead unstable and psycho gottcha!!! you have revealed that you are sick and hateful He removed the question but it went something like women often worship or put him on a pedestal yada yada yada and I said something crude (cause I am Mantis) like you must be really big...and he sent me this violent email. I was never "given the opportunity to apologize" but if asked nicely I would have...I hope the opportunity wasn't the violent email. anyway enough of this ****. you lose dude didn't know you were black doesn't matter and what else doesn't matter is my husband is black and doesn't have ANY of the issues you have you need to apologize to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! if you are to have ANY integrity *BabU thaNk yOu bAby. evEn tho I cAn haNDle this onE ..whO said chivalry iS dead? Gnu: If your apology is sincere, I accept and extend one to you for I did not mean to offend at all but so deeply. I will not bother you again. thank you Lioness for your always articulate and intelligent nature!

Ripley Ripley
If she makes references your genitalia in order to demean you, then you should make references to her genitalia or other sexual parts in order to demean her....not suggest that you use your own genitalia to demean her. In other words, if she throws an apple at you, throw an apple back. Don't throw an orange. As for having everyone treat your sexual parts as if they're communal property and a perfectly appropriate topic of discussion, I know how you feel. Men don't really discuss women's vaginas all that much, but they DO talk about our breasts pretty often...as well as the rest of our bodies (how many times does a man in here go on about how he thinks feminists are fat and unattractive?). As someone who doesn't necessarily measure up to their standards, I can't stand it when guys talk about breasts, particularly if they're talking about those of a woman I know. I also hate when they talk about their preferences or speculate on women they haven't been with. Can't people just have more respect for others' bodies and let some things be SECRET??
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Missie Missie
I normally wouldn't have responded to a question involving a feud between two people--but I have to respond since I'm highly disturbed by reading your email to Mantis. Her comment to you didn't seem of "violent" or "threatening" nature. She seems to have thrown in a comment to be funny, actually, attempting to compliment you, since the majority of men like to think they are big. Now, I understand it made you upset because of your past, and whatever personal experiences you have had. But FYI, this person couldn't have possibly known your sensitive spots or whatever you have and apparently still are struggling with. Your response to her was highly dehumanizing, degrading, violent and threatening---what did you try to accomplish by sending her the email? Show her that you are so big and bad and have the ability to "overpower" her with your genitalia, because she's weak and won't be able to handle it? Is this how intelligent people communicate dissatisfaction? NOTHING justifies a response such as yours. Only a fragile person who deep inside has no respect for women would flip the way you did. And for you to put it up to gain compassion from the rest of us just confirms the fragile state. I'm sure you'll apologize at some point, but I have a feeling the "flipping" pattern will be repeated at some point again. I really hope you work out your issues.
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Linda Linda
Whoa! That is not appropriate! Any woman/man who grabs any part of another person without being given permission to do so is just wrong. And I agree, your genitalia is not an appropriate topic for discussion. At least not referencing you personally - if people just want to talk about penises and vaginas in general I think we are all adult and can handle it.
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Kailey Kailey
It all depends what kind of person you are whether or not you want to act in the same behavior as the person who did it to you first. In a general sense, I would say they are never appropriate, because it's disrespectful. Others are more laid back regarding that type of talk. I just find respecting the person in that regard necessary.
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Kailey Originally Answered: Workplace Physical Violence and Unemployment Benefits in Virginia?
No. If you quit voluntarily, you don't get unemployment insurance. I agree that you should change jobs. But look at it this way: Is your life worth a month or two of unemployment insurance? If it's unsafe, leave. Check with a lawyer for more information. And there are steps that can be taken regarding an employer who allows such activities to occur. You might also want to speak to your company's Human Resources department, or to your boss's boss. Hope that helps.

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