How can i change my man? lots of info please take time to read?
Topic: Comfort case shoes
June 16, 2019 / By Dorthy Question:
it sounds worse with the title but i want to know what you would do. my husband and i have been together for 6 years this December. i love him with all my heart but he does nothing. we have two beautiful boys. they are my world and my life. i would give my life just so they could live and experience life. i may be what you would call an easy going mom. i have changed my ways recently to look at the positive instead of yelling at the negative. A lot of people think i am a pushover now that im not yelling but i would rather see my sons smile instead of cry and be scared. my husband said 4 weeks ago, when he comes home from working 9-10 hour days, he wanted to make one on one time with our 2 year old son. he has not made that time yet.
my husband doesn't buy flowers and when he does buy a gift he feels the price is why he doesn't do it often. for example he bought me a beautiful pair of shoes for 75$. most of my shoes are below 20 and most of them from 5 years ago. the last flowers i got were last September when i found out i was pregnant and it had an its a girl card that said here s hoping..love ....
my birthday is almost non existence. he forgets our sons birthdays. he never compliments anymore. i could dress is a skimy skirt and a cute shirt or i could dress in baggy jeans and a baggy shirt of HIS and i would get the same acknowledgment. mothers day i get nothing not even a card. Christmas there is no effort. we have an almost 5 month old son which he has never bathed and i bath him everyday to every second day. he is more interested in work, renovating the house and his toys instead of his kids.
its a constant battle..
i don't want people to say for me to leave him, i love him. i want him to change some of these ways.
on the weekend, we put the kids in his new truck, i ran in to get the bags and to alarm and lock the door. came back they were both crying and he wasn't even tending to them. i told him he had 6 months to become a father or things were going to change. was i too harsh??
i feel crappy about myself. sex is almost non existent. for reasons like when i try to talk to him, the only time i can is before bed. the last comment was "can you just shut up and go to sleep".
he wasn't always like this. how can i get him to be the father he once wanted to be and not a father like he had,,,he doesn't know his father and he thinks his step dad is useless.
i have very little self esteem so yes sometimes i dress to impress him or ill clean the house spotless and unless i make a comment i don't get a comment. and he says you should dress to your comfort and not think what everyone else thinks. I WANT HIM TO ACKNOWLEDGE ME. if i had money i would change every aspect of my body...boobs weight. i would love to weigh 20 lbs more...
what do i do??? im going crazy
i may not be superwomen but i try to be supermom. juggling kids cleaning and cooking.. i do try
IM NOT TRYING TO CHANGE HIM...I WANT HIM TO BE MORE INVOLVED WITH THINGS OTHER THAN WHAT HE WANTS
every time i try and talk to him, he says its repetitive and gets mad so yes how can i talk to him
ok for one so you all know i have a full time job and i have a part time job. currently on mat leave but i make just as much as he does. i pay half the bills, etc etc. i work from sun up to sun down and have maybe 6 hours sleep. so if you think i sound like a whiny baby, maybe you should understand that yeah i dont have time for myself cause if im not working, im taking care of kids. if its not kids its cooking if not cooking its cleaning....
Best Answers: How can i change my man? lots of info please take time to read?
Cathleen | 9 days ago
you clearly sound frustrated. Does your husband have a job? If not then why does he expect so much of you. It shocked me the other day when I read your post about being ready to try for a third child. If your life is this hard, please by all means do not bring another child in the world. I hate to say it, but you can not change your husband. you married him for who he is, and now you have to live with that.you may be able to get him to do the things you want and like for awhile, but he is going to go back to being himself. Maybe being a father has changed him. What about marriage counseling? Maybe you expect too much off yourself and are not being realistic. Not knowing you it is hard to say. Are you happy with your current situation? All of us full time mothers who work and or go to school get frustrated with life. we would not be human if it never got to us. Maybe he is the kind of man that thinks the woman is supposed to do everything, and if that is the case, you really have a problem. do you have family? why not having someone in your family o a friend you trust watch your kids for the night and make him dinner and talk to him and ask him what it is that he wants or expects. If you are raising three kids, why do you work so much and not him. maybe he feels like he does enough already if he is a stay at home dad. sounds to me like he is taking advantage of you and you are allowing it by staying with him.
👍 226 | 👎 9
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Originally Answered: Confused About What to Do?(Lots of info sorry if tmi)?
It's always important to follow your medical advice from your doctor. If your unsure I would consult him to see what the best choice is for you and your body. Every woman is different so it's really hard for a complete stranger to give medical advice without knowing your medical history. Now the "Pull out" method is not the safest birth control method out there. All it takes is one sperm to implant in that egg and next thing your know, your pregnant. If I were you I would continue using condoms with your partner to eliminate the possibility that you may get pregnant. Also I'm sure when you ask your doctor he will tell you that switching from one form of birth control to another may increase the chances of pregnancy anyway. So yeah, stick with the condom just in case hun. Good luck.
First of all don't go out spending money to change your body. Start liking yourself for who you are. You need to find out if your husband is being faithful to you. It seems as though he is giving you "reasons" to leave him. You need to sit down and talk to him. As a matter of fact show up at his job as a surprise and then take it from there. A husband (or a wife) shouldn't be saying shut up and go to sleep. It's disrespectful.
NO ONE can change someone else. Why are you being superwoman? For whom? For him? His actions are showing that no matter what you do it's just not important to him. He doesn't seem to be in this relationship. I am not saying this to hurt you. I have been there too. If you can find a sitter to watch your children away from the house do so.Then on that day you sit down and tell him that you feel that he isn't trying to be involved. And that you and your children want him to be around you guys. Ask him if he is in debt, or is he having problems at work, and ask him if his feelings have changed or what.
Because you will get tired of this and you will then make a decision based on what's going on. Whether you have the answers or not. Being a couple means working on your relationship every day. It is hard to take out time for yourselves but it has to be done. Please don't put yourself down. You are a good person, mom, friend, wife, and daughter. You need to look at yourself and tell yourself that you are a beautiful, hard working, loving, compassionate woman. You are a strong individual and deserve happiness, love, friendship, respect, empathy, compassion and acknowledgment. I wish you the best of luck. Be strong. No matter what decision you make you will succeed.
If he keeps telling you it's the same thing then leave for a few days. Don't tell him you are leaving or where you would go. Let him look for you. Or you can call him on the phone and see if he will talk to you then. You can also write him what you are feeling and see if he will read that instead of talking. And if and when he does find you tell him that you want to talk and to hear you out. I'm sorry but I really think this man is trying to let this relationship end. So make sure you have all your important papers with you when you leave if you decide to do that. Sometimes drastic measures are the only way to go. Good luck.
👍 90 | 👎 4
The only way he'll change is if he wants to and so you have to find out if he's willing to change or if he even realises that change is needed.
It seems to me, though, that before you go ahead you need to make changes in yourself in preparation for what might lie ahead. You need to remember who you were before you got married and do things for yourself. Basically you need to improve your self worth and realise you, as well as your kids deserve better. When you have done this and are strong enough then is the time to move on to your husband.
You need to be able to sit down and tell your husband exactly how he makes you feel and explain how you want the situation to change. There must once have been a time when things were different so reflect on these. Perhaps suggest that you go away with some girlfriends and leave him with the children and then the following weekend go away together on your own. You need to work on all aspects of your relationships with yourself, with your children, with your husband and as a family unit.
But be prepared he may not want to change at which point you both must face the consequences which may ultimately lead to you leaving him.
👍 82 | 👎 -1
Wow, I could have written a very similar post myself a few years back. I was so tired of not feeling loved or even appreciated in my marriage and although everyone told me I could not do anything to change how my husband treated me, I still was desperate to change him and make him take care of me the way I wanted him to.
It was not until I stopped trying to change him and learned that I was the only one I could change, that shortly after I let him be who he was, without complaining about it, he actually started to notice me again. It was not fast by any means, but over time, he really begin to acknowledge my efforts around the house and with the kids, and even offered to take me out every now and then...ON A DATE! LOL
All I can offer you is what started to help me a great deal. I had to realize that by nagging and begging and threatening my man, I was most certainly not making things any better nor getting any closer to having what I so desperately wanted from him. I had to try another approach and stop working so hard to control him.
Somewhere along the way, things begin to turn around and now, although we still have plenty of room for improvement, on both of our parts, we are living a life far more resembling one of love and respect than ever before. I found this short article that might help in some way, in explaining a little bit about how we can treat our husbands as they need to be treated.
I really hope you find the answers you are in search of, and I hope you don't give in our give up before you have tried all that you can, to make things better for and within yourself first, and your marriage as well. I understand how you are feeling and I only wish you the very best in the future. Peace...River
p.s. once you open the link, just scroll down to the article called The women's roll in maintaining a good relationship.
👍 74 | 👎 -6
You can't change anyone just because he's your husband or father of your children.You can only made him acknowledge the facts that he is not doing what he is suppose to do. He need to do the changes all by himself with your support and encouragement.
Try to encourage him to seek professional help with you. He might has been under a lot of stress from work or somewhere that he can't cope with and choose to turn off on everything. At the same time try to be more tolerance about it and allow some time for everything to sink in.
Hope this help. Good luck.
👍 66 | 👎 -11
Unfortunately you cannot change him, he has to want to change for the better, for his children, for you and for himself. If I were you I would write a list of the good and the bad and show it to him and explain that you are at rock bottom and need him to support you and be the man he once was. It sounds as if at the moment your life revolves around your children and your husband, you need to try and pick yourself up and get out there and work on your self esteem and social life. Find things that YOU like to do and go and do them, even mother and baby swim days or coffee mornings would help you to start with. You need to have more to live for than just your sons and your husband.
As much as you want him to change you cant make him or do it for him. The one thing you can do is try to make him realise that things are not right and he has a problem. People don't just change for no reason so try to get him to open up to you but you also need to open up to him and make him aware of how your feeling and what you think is wrong. I hate to sound like one of those cheesy TV show shrinks but communication is key and you cannot make things better on your own, it has to come from both of you. Good luck! Xx
Edit: If you cannot sit down and talk to him write him a letter and send it to his work address. Write down everything you think and feel about the situation, your ideas for way forwards, why you think things have changed and include the good things and bad things list. Xx
👍 58 | 👎 -16
It sounds like you're struggling with an insensitive man who may be a workaholic. You can NEVER change him. That is a big mistake a woman can make. He will not change until HE thinks he has a problem. To me... It sounds like you should just be honest with him. Tell him you feel rejected and you feel like he's neglecting the children and you hope that he takes your words seriously.. because you find yourself slipping further and further away from him. (Don't threaten him with leaving him) Just let him know.. he's losing you. He will have to decide what to do for himself. You can also throw the idea of getting some help out there.
👍 50 | 👎 -21
many men are just not comfortable around little kids but once the boys get into baseball and scouting and sports they become fast best friends. this will pass. little boys tend to be closer to their mom. your job is to set the tone of the home, cheerful to all. these years go slowly and they are full of chores and taking care of the babies, right around the corner is school, t-ball, boy scouts ( i highly recommend you do whatever neccessary to get the boys in both those programs) where you meet other parents in the same position you are in, and the boys meet lots of nice friends. your world opens up a lot.
read the steven covey book " the 7 habits of highly effective families" for more insights. boys develop in a regular way, i recommend you read books and articles on child development so you know exactly what to expect. 4 year olds tell fibs, it is normal, it is a sign of normal development, 3 year olds cry a lot. if you are educated by reading what to expect, you will be able to handle all of it peacefully. there is also a book by dr laura called ' the proper care and feeding of husbands' i highly recommend it.
👍 42 | 👎 -26
Originally Answered: Career change at 18? (Lots of reading)?
Okay, so you like Culinary Arts, but you LOVE video games.
When you are considering a career, it's important to look at your career prospects after graduation. The fact is that about 40% of people who get a degree in video game design do not ever get a chance to work in the field. There are just too many people getting the degree and not enough jobs for them all.
Of course, you should follow your dreams, but explore your options. Why can't go just complete this semester (usually the first year is just full of the basic classes that can easily transfer to another university) and then reevaluate. Right now, you haven't even given this a chance! I'd give it a good try before you throw too much money away. Then, maybe next semester, you can go to culinary school part time and video game school parttime.