Wedding, family, budget, help?
Topic: Business plan for a project management company
June 16, 2019 / By Leann Question:
My fiancé comes from a family of big money. He could easily retire today and continue to live very well for the rest of his life, but he has a strong work ethic and he cares about his company and employees. I actually did not know that he was so well off into a few dates in, when he started to realize that I would like him just the same if he was wealthy or poor. His family is understandably protective, as they have seen their children many times be used for their money. It took a long time to earn their trust but we eventually became close. We were together for a year when he told them that I refused to let him tell me what he is worth because it did not matter and even though I only make 40k a year, I hardly ever let him pay for my meal or ticket or whatever. I really only let him break this rule if I am his date to an expensive political or charity event that is way out of my price range. And it's not because I was trying to prove a point, it's the way I would act with anyone.
Anyways, he recently proposed. I said yes. Last weekend he was at my apartment using my laptop to check something. He was trying to look for a different document when he found a project called dream wedding. Basically, this is was from a course I took in college (my computer is that old), I was in a business event management course, and we had to put together a 100k-150k event with the entire budget and event planned. I decided to do my pipedream wedding, very unrealistic for the average couple, and very extravagant. I would never think of asking someone to spend this kind of money on me for a wedding, and he knows that I would never come to him with this plan. Obviously, just like any girl, I would love my big fancy dream wedding, but I don’t feel right doing that when really, we could buy a family in need a house for that kind of money.
Any ways, he made a copy of it and emailed it to himself. He met with a wedding planner, and decided to surprise me with the plan to make this wedding a reality. I don’t want to sound ungrateful, I’m the luckiest girl in the world to have this amazing guy who would do this for me. I tried to tell him that but he thought that I was just worried about looking like I was taking advantage of the money. With the very best of intentions he told his parents that it was his idea to try to put together this dream wedding so they wouldn’t think it was me. Now they think he is just trying to protect me and things have gotten very rocky. I’ve told him a half dozen more times that I don’t want anything fancy but he says “For once, let someone else spoil you and take care of you. You deserve to have one big day.”
Again, I don’t want to sound ungrateful. I understand how many people would love to have more money in their budget. I realistically, always thought I would be a bride budgeting everything to the last cent. But honest to God, I wouldn’t care if we just went down to town hall in jeans. I love him. All I want is to wake up next to him happy and healthy every day.
We’ve never had this much trouble communicating before and we’ve had plenty of challenges. I feel like he’s losing his mind trying to spoil me while I’m losing mine trying to convince him that that’s not what I want. Help? Please?
**Please, no rude comments about 1st world problems. Again, I am so grateful to have a world of resources at my hands. I grew up in a very poor family, I understand hunger, and helping others is where my heart is. I really can’t justify spending that much money on a one night party that doesn’t help a cause. **
Best Answers: Wedding, family, budget, help?
Joetta | 6 days ago
well, if you are really going to marry this man, you will need to adjust your attitude toward having money. you may not be looking for it or want it, but he has it so you are going to end up having it too. it is not right for you to be so prideful as to refuse to allow him to pay for anything on your dates and it is really not kind of you to refuse him the joy of giving you this extravagant wedding.
as for your convictions about the money being better spent helping others...i applaud that, but implore you to think about asking him to hire wedding vendors to put this wedding on for you that are either smaller businesses or even struggling businesses. in that way, you will be helping others by giving them work and through them, their employees will have jobs, that is always the best way for the wealthy to be helpful to those who are less fortunate.
i have been in the wedding planning business for years and just recently had to relocate in florida due to my husband's health issues and so i have to start all over from scratch and i for one would have been extremely blessed to have a wedding like yours to work on. just think of the florist, the caterer, the bakery, the bridal salon, the wedding venue, the officiant, the musicians or dj, the photographers, the limo drivers, the hair/nail and makeup salons, etc you can be a blessing to by letting your very thougthful fiance provide you with this dream wedding.
👍 100 | 👎 6
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Originally Answered: What is a "football" wedding? What is a "shotgun" wedding?
A friend of mine is having a "shotgun" wedding and I'm a bridesmaid. You could say I was a little shocked to hear about it about 2 months of her moving in with the guy.
As to the football wedding, I'm going to take a wild stab at it....A wedding planned around a football schedule or is it the bride waiting for the groom to "kick off".
I've tried a few search engines using "football wedding", "meaning of football wedding" and "history of football wedding" and was brought to stories about Alabama football, weddings, and a story about Austrailian "football". I give up and just tell me what a "football wedding" means.
Ok I found something with a reference to a football wedding..And from what I can decipher...It sounds like a wedding that pulls out all the stops to include just about everyone.
"Our wedding was almost at hand, and we were kept busy with the details involved with the reception following the wedding. Marrying off a daughter can be very costly for those parents who have the financial means to supply a lavish reception. Such was not the case as far as our wedding was concerned, as we planned it on a minimal budget.
In addition to our large families, Dad and I had lots of friends. As we prepared our guest list, the roster seemed to grow and grow. Among those included, besides family, were my former schoolmates, members of the Legion of Mary, the church choir, the Malverne Fire Department, and both baseball teams (the Lakeview Ramblers and the Malverne Club). In addition, Dad and his brother Joe had developed a close relationship with the mayor of Malverne, Bill Gaddis, and his son Bill Jr. Both Bills were active members of the Malverne Club, as were Dad and Joe. In order to accommodate everybody and avoid slighting anybody, we planned what was identified as a “football” wedding - a far cry from today’s standards."
***But I'm still working on it. So far it seems to be a New York state term with Italian influence. And something about how food would be "tossed" to guests and family members.
If you love each other, then quit worrying. He wants to do this for you. Just let him. It honestly sounds like his wealth has become a problem because you're trying so hard to prove your love for him isn't for his money (that could just be from your description and not true in life), but I really don't understand why you're fighting so hard against it. It's a great gift. Yes, it would be incredibly overwhelming, but if it's what he wants, why not let him.
As for his family, only time will cure that. Future in-laws are almost always skeptical and judgmental whether it's because they have money or because they're protective or for no reason at all. You've told them the truth. Your fiance has told them the truth. If they refuse to believe it, there isn't anything you can do about that.
Relax and enjoy the beautiful present your fiance is giving you. It's a wedding for you and him. Not for his family. Don't worry about them. Just enjoy the day with your husband, and if planning this huge wedding makes him happy, then shut up and let him be happy.
👍 30 | 👎 1
He sounds like a good guy, but it's not cool if he's using money to override your wishes and, more importantly, what you are trying to tell him. I can see how all this makes him seem like a dream man, but when a guy says he's doing something you don't want because you "deserve it", this is actually a form of manipulation, or even controlling behavior.
My first fiance (before I met my hubby) was also extremely wealthy. Your guy sounds "nicer" than he was, and I was a little too starry eyed about all of it. The dealbreaker came several months after our engagement, when he announced one day he'd had a prenup drawn and it was for "my protection". It ended about 5 minutes later, but it was more like a last straw.
You don't want to get to that point, so it's really important you find some quiet time to talk about this. You never want his money to define you or shift the balance of power in your relationship, and if it's happening before you're even married, then it has the potential to be a big issue. So talk honestly about your feelings and how you need to be respected.
👍 25 | 👎 -4
The only two problems I see are:
1. Things have gotten rocky with his parents//which is their problem or he needs to deal with them.
2. Due to your upbringing or whatever////you see this as a waste of money///you have not learned hot to live around big money, you do not know how to be spoiled, so let him spoil you, Do Not--- take his joy away and saying nicely, stop over thinking, if there is a problem with his parents it is between them and him. If he wants to spoil you, just tell him to surprise you and go for it, you are one lucky girl and enjoy it, just because the world has problems, etc. it always has and always will, here's your chance so take it!!
As you say helping others is where your heart is at, have you thought that maybe thru you God is getting another helper, sometimes He just goes about it in ways we don't understand, so go girl----let the love of your life love you and for once you deserve it.
After you marry you can make donations, work with green peace, USO, Red Cross, any charity--you won't have to work at public work so you will be able to volunteer---thru your church, Hospice House, be a volunteer at your local hospital, be a volunteer at the library and teach/read to children that can't read, there is so much you can, can, can do after you marry---try to think of it that way, have your day in the sunshine and then help others have theirs//as long as hubby is o.k. and if he loves you, he will want you to be happy. Have you really and this is not referring to the 1st world problems, but have you really thought about how much you can do in your own back yard. Yes there are hunger problems in other countries, but there are homeless in every town. Didn't mean to get wound up, just to try and get you to see things from a different perspective. Sometimes big money is good to have.
👍 20 | 👎 -9
It doesn't sound like you would be happy with this, and I think you need to let him know that. One of the things I have found to be most important in a happy and long-lasting marriage is that the two of you share the same values. He needs to understand that he will have plenty of opportunities to "spoil" you throughout the years you spend together and you are more concerned about your future together than one day. He evidently doesn't want to make you uncomfortable.
Maybe this is what he wants. Men dream of getting married, too, and imagine what it will be like. If that is the case, he has to admit that to you and stop saying he wants to do it for you. It sounds like he wants to do it for himself. If that is the case, many men have put up with a whole lot of hoopla surrounding the weddings planned by their brides and you may just have to do that for him. They always say its the bride's day, but perhaps in your situation, it will be the groom's day.
One way to balance it all out is agree to his plans for the wedding, but you want no gifts and for your guests to make a donation to a charity or charities of your selection.
A happy marriage is finding a balance.
👍 15 | 👎 -14
Originally Answered: How do you stop non-Catholic wedding guests from taking Communion at a Catholic wedding?
I would suggest (as others have) to discuss this with your priest. I am sure he has handled a similar situation before and would be very well-prepared to tactfully explain to everyone why non-Catholics cannot take Communion.
The reason is simple, and Catholics are certainly not alienating anyone. The Church is very welcoming of all people, and the Baptists at your wedding will be treated with the utmost respect and love. Non-Catholics are not allowed Communion because Catholic Holy Communion is different. My understanding is that in Protestant faiths, it is simply a REPRESENTATION of the Last Supper. However, in a Catholic service, the bread and wine undergo Transubstantiation and become the body and blood. Catholics undergo major preparation before receiving Holy Communion, so it is NOT simply given away at Mass.
To the folks bashing Catholicism: perhaps you should do your homework before angrily accusing Catholics of being hateful, rude, ridiculous, etc. How nice of the Church to welcome this couple with open arms!