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Help with a 4yr old who doesn't want to listen?

Help with a 4yr old who doesn't want to listen? Topic: Preschool pre writing activities
June 17, 2019 / By Eglantine
Question: My daughter just turned 4. She is in Pre school twice a week. The majority of the time is very good at home and school. But...she goes on streaks where she is good for a week and then terrible for a week. I've done everything to put an end to this. Taking away toys, until she changes her behavior, the naughty corner, no movies, you name it, I've tried it. The biggest issue is listening. She only wants to listen when she wants to. Now, I know she is only 4 and that 4 yr olds act up, but I do not let bad behavior fly in my house. I do not let her get away with certain things. The worst part is, is that she knows she is naughty, and still does it anyway. So, my question is, what else can I try to make her listen? Please, only serious responces only. Also, my husband is military, and on deployment. But she acts like this even when he is here. Spanking are given also! Salazar...i make her "earn" her toys back...i do not control her either. she is 4 she needs to know right from wrong. we are a very loving family, lots of hugs and kisses and praise and manners.
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Best Answers: Help with a 4yr old who doesn't want to listen?

Chelsea Chelsea | 2 days ago
First I would talk with her teacher, even with 2 days a week, you need to know if this behavior carries over to school or not. If so, find out how her Teacher handles it. Regardless if you implement new ideas or use the Teacher's, you should keep the strategy at both school and home for consistency. Young children thrive and depend on consistency!!! If she only does this at home and not school, then she is not getting something she needs. She cannot tell you what that is, so she is frustrated and only knows how to act out. I would start with writing down when the unwanted behavior starts and chart it. I do this with my students in this case and it may reveal specifics you hadn't thought of. What is her "trigger"? Every unwanted behavior has one. It could be just about anything... a time of day, a daily event, a chore, even a food. When you discover what that is, immediately correct the situation by kneeling to her eye-level and with short direct sentences confront the issue and nip it. Try not to "explain" in more than 5-7 words. 4 yr old have the attention span of 4 -6 minutes or 1-2 sentences on average. They will loose interest in your words pretty quickly, so be direct, have a "I am boss" facial expression and tone. Your correction consequence should immediantely follow. What works for her/you should carry over and BE CONSISTENT!!! As a preschool Teacher, my rule-of-thumb is consistency, seperation from activity, praise & redirection. You have to constantly PRAISE the good behavior to redirect her attention tactics to what is acceptable and wanted from you! As ridiculous as it may be to you, she needs to be constantely reminded of the "good" behavior no matter what it is!! (sitting quietly, throwing trash in the trash can, picking up toys, helping do anything, dressing self, brushing teeth, walking a straight line...anything that rewards the wanted behavior!) 4yr olds and their self-esteem respond to...happy, excited, proud...facial expressions, tone, hugs & kisses, specific words: WOW!!! Awesome!!! Fabulous!!! etc. "Not listening" is a typical & HUGE behavioral problem for most Teachers & parents. I completely understand. Remember to always be eye-to-eye when speaking to her (during correction and praise), nip the problem as soon as it occurs and have a "direct effect consequence". What does she value? Another thing you should track. Where/what does she crave or decide for herself is her favorite attention keeper? Use this to your advantage for a consequence. Hope this helps!!! ~ feel free to email me if you need more help!! [email protected]
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Chelsea Originally Answered: Help with a 4yr old who doesn't want to listen?
First I would talk with her teacher, even with 2 days a week, you need to know if this behavior carries over to school or not. If so, find out how her Teacher handles it. Regardless if you implement new ideas or use the Teacher's, you should keep the strategy at both school and home for consistency. Young children thrive and depend on consistency!!! If she only does this at home and not school, then she is not getting something she needs. She cannot tell you what that is, so she is frustrated and only knows how to act out. I would start with writing down when the unwanted behavior starts and chart it. I do this with my students in this case and it may reveal specifics you hadn't thought of. What is her "trigger"? Every unwanted behavior has one. It could be just about anything... a time of day, a daily event, a chore, even a food. When you discover what that is, immediately correct the situation by kneeling to her eye-level and with short direct sentences confront the issue and nip it. Try not to "explain" in more than 5-7 words. 4 yr old have the attention span of 4 -6 minutes or 1-2 sentences on average. They will loose interest in your words pretty quickly, so be direct, have a "I am boss" facial expression and tone. Your correction consequence should immediantely follow. What works for her/you should carry over and BE CONSISTENT!!! As a preschool Teacher, my rule-of-thumb is consistency, seperation from activity, praise & redirection. You have to constantly PRAISE the good behavior to redirect her attention tactics to what is acceptable and wanted from you! As ridiculous as it may be to you, she needs to be constantely reminded of the "good" behavior no matter what it is!! (sitting quietly, throwing trash in the trash can, picking up toys, helping do anything, dressing self, brushing teeth, walking a straight line...anything that rewards the wanted behavior!) 4yr olds and their self-esteem respond to...happy, excited, proud...facial expressions, tone, hugs & kisses, specific words: WOW!!! Awesome!!! Fabulous!!! etc. "Not listening" is a typical & HUGE behavioral problem for most Teachers & parents. I completely understand. Remember to always be eye-to-eye when speaking to her (during correction and praise), nip the problem as soon as it occurs and have a "direct effect consequence". What does she value? Another thing you should track. Where/what does she crave or decide for herself is her favorite attention keeper? Use this to your advantage for a consequence. Hope this helps!!! ~ feel free to email me if you need more help!! [email protected]

Arline Arline
Its Normal For Small Children Not To Listen. But To Make Her Listen, You Need To Find A Way To Get To Her That if She Dosent Listen She Dosent Get Something, But She Has To Get It. Some Examples That You Said Are Taking Away Toys, When She Is Bad, At Preschool Or Dosent Listen, You Can Take Them Away, Then You Can Give Them Back Gradually As She Acts Better. That Might Teach Her The Lesson That She Should Behave Good.
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Zed Zed
It's a problem of consistency and stability in your home. 2-4 year olds tend to test parent's reactions by misbehaving. If you are consistent with your punishments, and I mean every time your child does a bad thing (and I mean a bad thing not just something that is an annoying behavior) you have to use punishment then and there. Do not discipline hours later. They don't make the connection to what you are disciplining when you discipline way after the event. If you punish everything the child does, bad and annoying behaviors, they can get confused. Bad things would be cursing, hitting, biting, breaking something. Annoying things would be talking a lot, asking questions, interrupting, etc. We never want to reward bad behavior in anyway, always punish. Ignore the annoying stuff. And because the father is in and out (not anyone's fault, just the reality of the situation), things all already inconsistent. Kids test the parent that is alone with them, trying to see what they will do. I think just playing more with your child and reassuring her that daddy is okay and will return is benificial. Doing things together a lot is key. Quality and quantity of good family time is great helper. Spending times with other family members too. Not losing your temper is also a key thing to follow.
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Simon Simon
From my experience with my own children, she is fighting for control. Try letting her make some choices. For example, would you rather have peas or green beans for dinner? Would you like to take a bath or pick up your toys first? This gave my children a sense of control but in actuality I was getting them to do what I wanted. This helped to diminish the bad behavior. At the same time, I used a variety of punishments but by far the one that worked the best was bed early!
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On On
Well at least it is consistant behaviour! I would take her out and have a great time with her, and begin to completely change the schedule. Treat her like an older child and stop punishing her, because it is not effective. This is about her finding her way to being a big girl, so it is time to change and treat her differently. Give her lots of choices and a chance to prove herself. At four l had my son help me and we called it his chores. It was fun, he would "help" me make cookies, clean the garden, and l would tell him what a big help he was and how he had to show his dad when he got home. Work on such projects where she thinks she is part of the team, instead of an annoyance. It is important to note that if you are together with her, you might find she has a greater self-respect for herself, and will value her time "helping"mommy.
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On Originally Answered: Can you give me some French bands to listen to?
The french actually have a long and secret history of fantastic pop music. There are tens of fantastic compilations, not to mention a large number of artists who have lengthy back catalogues. I would personally recommend: Fran├žoise Hardy, Jane Birkin & Serge Gainsbourg, and France Gall. You may want to research French Pop music in more detail, but this is a good (and interesting) starting point: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Y%C3%A9-y%C3%A9

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