Young widow now lonely seeks dating advice?
Topic: Case sensitive shell
July 20, 2019 / By Jeremiah Question:
I married my bf when I was 22 (am now 29) and when I was 26 he was suddenly killed in a car accident. I was not in the car with him at the time. I dont want to seem cliche, but ours really was a romantic relationship. He was my first boyfriend and first sexual encounter (at BEST I am average looking, and was the very shy bookworm type in highschool) but he SAW me for who I am inside, and as a consequence of that, I grew out of my shell and we were blissfully happy together. I became a more confident person because of him (he was a personal trainer, and I became in much better shape and became more outgoing.) But at heart I am still a reserved person. Anyway, his sudden violent death (he was 28) crushed me. I feel like the hand of God came down, picked me up, shook the hell out of me like a broken rag doll, and set me back down to stagger around on earth the best I can, dizzy as hell, with my head still clanging.
Now it is 3 years later. I've gone out on a few "get to know a guy" dates in the interim, but nothing came of it. I feel like I'm going through withdrawal. I KNOW how love is. And I dont have it anymore. I want that again now. So much. But I want someone who will treat me as well as John did. I really want a boyfriend again. My heart hurts from being so lonely. I live by myself, have a good job that I like, and I really am ready to be in a relationship again. Now my question and the point of this post: What are the chances you think I will find a guy that can respect my feelings for my former bf? I want to be able to tell a guy i'm dating about what I went through, as it is part of who I am, and John affected my life so profoundly, that my family will talk about him for years and years to come. I understand that any guy I'm with will obviously come first, and I am sensitive to the fact that a boyfriend I might have wont want to hear me go on about an ex. But do you think most guys would understand my feelings in this case though? Or should I just pretend like that part of my life never existed?
[Edit to post 12 hrs later] Oh my gosh I am SO touched by all the sympathetic responses and good advice i've gotten so far. I diddn't expect to get so many answers! Thank ALL of you so much.
Best Answers: Young widow now lonely seeks dating advice?
Gershon | 5 days ago
This really touched my heart, I was tearing.
First off let me start off by saying its inspiring everything you went through and it seems like you have handled it properly. God bless you! You are truly heroic! There will be another guy who will come along, you will fall in love again, and you will remarry and carry on to have children. You will be happy again.
The right guy will come around again and he will accept because this is something he will have to accept and he will understand you will always love John but in a different way. You will want that guy when he comes around and he will know that. Would most guys understand your feelings most likely, yes but many guys I am sure will have feelings of jealousy. Alot might not be willing or will not be able to handle this. The right one will be able too though. Do not pretend that that part of your life never existed though because it did and it was obviously a huge part of your life. He was the love of your life and your new found love of your life will understand and be very accepting about it.
I truly hope I helped. The absolute best of luck to you. And may god bless you and your heart who has obviously gone through alot.
Rest In Peace John.
👍 218 | 👎 5
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Originally Answered: Insecure person seeks help. Advice?
First of all, it is obvious to me that this girl invited several friends to be online at the same time when she planned her attack. She continued picking at you until you snapped, which was the cue for her friends to chime in and take her side. Trust me, the whole thing was planned. You are not the one with the problem, she is. Anyone who would go to that much trouble to ambush you on the internet is obviously deeply disturbed. If you can, block her username, or completely ignore an IM's or emails from this person. If she changes names and starts on you again, change YOUR email address, and start fresh (only give it to people you know and trust). You must ignore her completely... she gets off on upsetting you, so ignoring her is the best punishment.
Regarding your own feelings of insecurity, we all have them... but most people are pretty good at hiding them. Beneath every smiling face there is a history of a broken home, an abusive parent or a lost loved one. No one gets through life without scars... nobody.
If you have 2 or 3 really good friends that you trust, consider yourself lucky. When you are younger, it's normal to have dozens of friends. But as you become older (and wiser) you realize that quality is more important than quantity. Cherish your true friends, and spend time with them doing the things you love.
Meet new people in a new setting. Volunteer at a soup kitchen or animal shelter. If you are artistic, volunteer at a community theater to help with set decoration or costumes. These are the types of places that you will meet quality people.
You can't change people, but you can change who you associate with. Learn to respect yourself by only allowing intelligent, kind and loving people into your inner circle and create your own haven. Life is too short to waste time arguing with losers.
Love & Blessings
no you shouldnt just ignore your past. if you do that and meet someone you will end up resenting them for not understanding when you havent really even given them a chance. theres nothing wrong with being honest about how much you loved him just as long as you dont try to make a new man live up to an impossible ideal. the thing about your relationship is you lost him when everything was still perfect which hardly ever happens, usually you lose someone when it all turns a bit sour and you split up. so there is a danger you could turn him into a super-perfect creature in your mind, making any new man seem hopeless in comparison. as long as you can realise that he wasnt perfect and can accept hes gone then i think with the right type of man they would understand and be there for you. pretending he didnt exist just wouldnt work.
👍 90 | 👎 2
Im sorry you went through that but 1 day you will meet another guy and fall in love again. Maybe shouldnt compare him though as he would be a seperate person from your first love in his own right. I dont know about your question although i can understand it. If i close my eyes and think about my current gf bringing up her ex all the time my thoughts would be unhappy ones. Id feel second best. I dont really know but i wish you all the very best and hope you find love again
👍 86 | 👎 -1
No you shouldn't pretend it didn't happen. I think that whom ever you choose to date will have to accept your feelings and know that you may want to talk about it now and again. But I also believe you shouldn't rush into all those details at the beginning of a relationship.
👍 82 | 👎 -4
Originally Answered: DATING ADVICE?
I dated 2 adult men who have been shorter way shorter than me (i'm quite tall). One lasted a three hundred and sixty 5 days and the different 2 years. You do get stares and human beings have had critiques approximately it. yet I by no skill cared and you shouldn't the two :) if she makes you happy that would desire to be all that concerns