Question about wedding shower?
Topic: Case shower
June 25, 2019 / By Jaimie Question:
If the wedding is going to be as small as possible (like 25 people) then at the reception, the friends and not so close family will be invited to just that. My question is do you only invite people to the wedding shower that are invited to the actual wedding ceremony? I think all the shower will be is getting people together for lunch. I don’t expect presents but I guess people will feel obligated to get one right? I’m just curious, I’m obviously not throwing it, I don’t even want to have one really but my fiancés mom and sister want to do one for the both of us and he is excited to do it. So I guess I’m just wondering what is proper form here?
P.S. In case you are wondering, my mother lives a few states away and cant really throw one for me (us), that’s why his mom and sister want to.
Blunt-I think I was pretty clear that I was not throwing one for myself.
Best Answers: Question about wedding shower?
Ena | 9 days ago
A shower's sole purpose is to give you gifts, so if you do not want gifts, then do not have a shower, because a shower is just that, an occasion to gift the couple.
Now, it is imperative that you ONLY invite those that are invited to the wedding. It is rude, classless and crass to invite people that will not be invited to the festivities. People see beyond tacky gift grabs. If they are NOT going to be at the wedding, then do NOT invite them to the shower, period.
Furthermore, it is very brassy and low brow to host a shower for yourself. It is against any socially accepted behavior and and against simple etiquette rules. It is acceptable that your in-laws throw you one. What ever you do, do NOT throw a shower for yourself, yikes.
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Originally Answered: Does anyone have any ideas for a wedding shower?
Well...you could ask for others in the wedding parties to pitch in with some money or to help out w/ some of the things you need for the party. Someone or a group could help w/ food and others decorations and others the invitations - anyway you can get others to help you is good...even if they can't afford to help w/ money maybe they could come early and help set up or stay after to clean up or follow up and call people if they haven't RSVP'd or something like that. You also have the option, depending on each of their tastes to have a potluck style shower. Usually there are games and prizes so you'll have to think about that too. Here are some good ones:
1) no leg crossing - women are given plastic wedding rings (at any party store) one each and if they are caught crossing their legs they have to give their ring to the person that caught them - you decide how long it's played and whoever has the most gets a prize @ the end
2) what was she wearing? - you wait until the party has started, say 30 mins into it or an hour, then have the bride-to-be go into a room and ask everyone to write down what they remember the bride-to-be wearing - whoever is closest wins
3) how well do you know her? - one person should ask questions of the bride to be (favortie color, fav movie, fav song, ever been out of the country, etc) make up a questionnaire to give guests - w/ a time limit to answer the questions right - whoever gets the most right wins
there are tons of games you can just google "wedding shower" games online and a ton will come up - good luck.
Oh, BTW - its usually cheaper to have it at someones home rather than a restaurant.
"Shower" means "bring a gift." If the invitation says "wedding shower" or "bridal shower," people are going to bring gifts. Period.
So if you don't want gifts, call it something else. Call it a wedding luncheon or a wedding tea or an engagement party or whatever.
I personally don't like the idea of having separate guest lists for the ceremony and reception, only because I think that guests go to a lot of time and effort and expense to come to someone's wedding and they should get to experience the whole thing. But this is your deal and it might be good to take the temperature of the group your mother-in-law wants to invite. Ask her, "I really appreciate you throwing us a little party but I wanted your take on the guest list. How do you think people will feel about being invited to the shower, but not to the actual wedding ceremony?"
If she doesn't have a problem with it, well, she's the hostess and can invite whoever she pleases.
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If your MoH or good friend is throwing it for you, they obviously have to ask you for a list. The people you invite HAVE to be invited to the ceremony. No ifs, ands, or buts.
However, say you are not inviting anyone from your work to the wedding, and you go into work one morning and they surprise you with a mini-shower. Obviously, you don't have to print off extra invites for them, it was just something nice/fun they did for you.
But if you're controlling the shower as far as who is invited goes, they MUST get an invitation to the wedding. (not JUST the ceremony but reception too, if you're having one.)
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the guest list for the shower is limited to usually just the female guests who are also invited to the wedding and/or reception. you can't invite someone to the shower and them not invite them to the reception. if people can't afford to get you both a shower and wedding gift, they they simply don't have to attend the shower. I do it all the time. I know a plethora of people getting married or having babies lately, but who can afford a $50 shower gift + $100-200 wedding gift!?
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